Should I leave?

[hmp1]

Im so sorry for the long post put I need to talk to someone and I’m just so lost with what to do. I’ve been with my partner just over two years. He had been in a previous relationship for about 9 years and his ex has cheated on him multiple times so they split. They have a 6yo daughter together. We’ve known each other a long time as friends so things moved quite quickly for us once we got together, moved in together after 3 months, brought a house together after 8 months. I know that’s seems super quick but it just felt right at the time.

last year we started IVF as I have fertility problems so we knew that was our only option. During this, my partner started to have mental health problems (mental breakdowns, anxiety, anger outbursts of breaking everything in the house and hurting himself) - I think everything got too much and he couldn’t handle anything anymore. (He didn’t really process his breakup at the time so I think this caught up with him) and the process of IVF itself is very stressful.
we put a stop to IVF the day before I was due to go in for embryo transfer so nothing happened there. He has really struggled to get any professional help for his MH, but after 6 months and lots of ambulances etc. he finally got seen and was given medication. Over the last few months he has been a lot better ( no outbursts) but he’s refusing to go to his counselling appointments and keeps cancelling them.

what has tipped me over though is I’ve recently found out he has been contacting prostitutes and having massages with extras etc.

I haven’t said anything to him before but I finally did today and he’s just lost it again and now I feel like it’s my fault (I know it’s not because he’s the one that did it) but if I hadn’t of brought it up he would be doing ok still.

my problem is that I think I need to leave our relationship because I can’t be treated like that. However, I’ve given up my job so I was able to look after him and his daughter when he was unwell, we share a car (which is his so I wouldn’t have one) so I have no car, no money and no where else to go. (No family with space etc.)

or is that wrong of me to leave because he’s not well?

just don’t know what to do 😢

Yes, leave. He's exposed you to any number of STIs which could have devastating long-term impacts on your health and could have been fatal to your baby if you had conceived.

Wtf? Leave immediately. With complete confidence that it would be madness to do anything else.

Get the hell out of there. Right now.

Leave asap. I’ll bet you any money he was exactly like this to his ex. And she’s relived she got rid. All that sob story about her cheating on him- bollocks.

But how do I leave with nothing, I have no money, no job, no car or anything?

Oh my - leave.

Sorry, but there it is.

You’re not responsible for his mental health. He is. And if he chooses to deal with his issues by paying women to use their bodies then that’s on him and isn’t compatible with a loving and respectful relationship. Walk away now and start to rebuild your life without this loser. I’m sorry. It will be hard, but you can’t forgive this.

Get a job ASAP and lie to your DP about how much you make, by at least half. Save everything you can. Ask around for anyone getting rid of an old banger to pick a car up cheap. Contact Women's Aid. Post here for support.

Don't leave, kick him out and change the locks!

Leave.

Find out what benefits you can get to pay your rent somewhere and get a job.

Get a car on a credit card/loan (nothing fancy that you can't afford to pay back.

Thank goodness you didn't have children with him, you can get free now at least

Next time he kicks off or has a ‘mental health episode’, and you have to call police get them to take him away. Change the locks. He’ll come back over. Tell him to not come home you’ve kicked him out and want no contacted with him. Report any aggro then on to the police.

Then as you’re now single you can split for universal credit. Give yourself a wee or two and then get on the search for a job. Probably the last thing you want to do. But it will open up loads for you- opportunity, social life, take ya mind off things.

Call Womens Aid- they’ll help you loads with legal stuff. You’ll probably be able to get legal aid if there’s been abuse.

Give him his stuff back. Whatever he wants. Don’t play games and withhold anything. Let him have what he wants. But you leave it at end of drive. Or another location if his choice, if safe to do so.

Then work on you. Reconnect with you. Do things YOU enjoy. Fill your life with joy. Hang out with loving, strong people.

you got this x

Start trying to get a new job. Can you get a job with accommodation? If you move to a city you won't need a car.

Do you own the house together?

Get yourself far far away from this man. Women are not rehabilitation centres for dysfunctional men. There are loads of jobs around at the moment. Maybe look for a hospitality job with on site accommodation. The summer season has started so look for holiday camp/seaside resort work with accommodation.

Yeah it’s in both of our names. His parents
gifted him a large deposit and he’s made all the monthly payments. I haven’t paid anything so don’t feel like I’m entitled to any of it.

Oh OP, why did you give everything up? Things moved way too quickly. This is a toxic fuck up of a relationship.

Regardless of you having ‘nothing’, you have to leave. The alternative is unthinkable.