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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you make me feel better about messing up my life?

5 replies

EmmyGoLightly · 25/06/2022 22:01

I’m going through a divorce. I initiated it after weeks of silent treatment and a final counselling session where he basically said I’d been awful since our DC were born a few years ago and I needed to stop abusing him.

Since then I have had support from Women’s Aid who have told me they think he was emotionally abusive (and his accusation was DARVO), but I’m struggling to get my head around it, doubting myself, feeling like everything is all my fault , that sort of thing.

It’s been a few months now and I feel like I’ve fallen into a black hole. I couldn’t cope anymore with being blamed for everything and felt so bad about myself that I needed to separate. I did it because I thought I’d feel better, but I feel worse. At least before there were good times. I miss them. I miss him. I’m going to be alone forever (one of the DC has complex needs and will never live independently so I can’t see anyone being interested in me). I feel so bad for the DC and the impact on them.

i just feel so so sad. I want to go back in time and stay, but its too late. Can anyone tell me it gets better?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Namenic · 25/06/2022 23:22

It sounds like he didn’t really engage much with the counselling apart from turning the accusation round on you. What was the reason he felt you were abusing him? It sounds like you are better off without him. Sending you good wishes!

Stayingstrongish · 26/06/2022 04:25

I had a similar accusation from my ex. Supposedly I’d been awful to him for years. I think it’s actually a way of making themselves feel better about being crappy to us.

I think try to focus on your lovely kids and friends and family. Spend time with people who support you and make you happy.

Harkonatit · 26/06/2022 04:36

Hey,
He's harmed you in many ways.
Try not to doubt yourself.
You found the strength to leave him so onwards and upwards.

fallfallfall · 26/06/2022 04:44

no need to blame each other, just accept the relationship was dysfunctional.

BuddhaAtSea · 26/06/2022 04:55

I would start by having the kids 50/50. No ifs not buts.
It’ll take a while, but you’ll rediscover who you are. It’ll get better, I promise.

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