I've fallen out my friend which consequently has estranged me and my son from their social circle. We met 3 years ago and over the past couple of years became good friends. She offered support when I was having problems with my sons dad. I reciprocated her friendship.
Shes married and her husband has two children from his first marriage.
I started to notice things but always saw them as a unit as we were welcomed in to her family network and she encouraged me to move closer by so we could potentially share the school run. As a single parent I liked the feeling of having a support network.
I got to know her husband over time, and the kids and became conscientious not to overstay my welcome. Quite often we spent a Sunday afternoon with her our boys and the older kids. While he had some solitude.
when I wanted to return the gesture with the offer of going out/Sunday lunch/walks/yoga/girls night out, it began to feel that there was never any point because it would get postponed. I learnt to accept this for a while.
My friend always always wanted me round but when I got my new home i was busy settling in and her husband had said he wanted to spend more quality time with her. Her son would come round and she would often stop by with her dogs and the other kids.
We started falling out firstly because I found the move stressful.
Less silly was her sons bullish behaviour towards my son. Everyone has an opinion on this but I saw it for myself and it was raised by the childminder. It was awkward but I had to talk to her about it. She was okay about it but her husband less so. He ignored me for a short while and she asked me 'sort it out' with him. I did as requested and he brushed it off.
When it happened again I was accused of overreacting.
I think the world of her son and my friend and I originally had a plan that we would respect each other's parenting and bring them up together as they were both only sons. But this slipped into a myth when her husband suggested a different school for her boy. A school in which he needed to be baptised. Fast forward nearly a year and the childminder is linked to the school and you don't need to be baptised as mine got in.
But in this same very year my perspective took a slant towards cynicism. I tried so hard to not react. But then 2 months ago having come back from a trip to see family I come back to my friend very upset with his actions and how things were never going to change. He was upset at her spending money - she shares an account and they're saving to buy a house. They also share social media accounts.
My guard was down and in response I opened my mouth and shared my thoughts. That was a stupid mistake.
In fact I think that was the beginning of the end. She later said i "attacked" him, I said to her that he's very controlling. I've since been accused of having a go at her son after he punched my son but she said he didn't do it.
now she says I need to deal with my insecurities. I have insecurities and I did say to her at one point I had wondered if her husband triggered my own trauma. I've wondered if I am projecting
But she's not hearing me.
I suggested some distance but in that time I was accused of all this shit. At some point I was exiled from their home. I have been told the door is open if I change my view .....(which is reported to be that I think they're out to get me). However my sons still welcome ....(that hurt)
I have no idea how it got this far. I kept seeing a pattern but couldn't prove it.
I'm thinking of moving again as I think it was all a big mistake.
Can I call this triangulation? I need to see my own part in it but I feel very hurt by their accusations. Advice welcome.