My husband doesn't like me today!

[MagicalMystery11]

When I say my husband doesn't like me today, this isn't just a one off today. Every couple of weeks, my husband goes into a sudden mood and he just doesn't like me. I don't think I've done anything differently or behaved differently but everything I do or say, he doesn't like. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

He's just so resentful sometimes and moans about how hard his week is and how he never gets any time to himself. Apparently that's why he's in a mood with me today. He's always telling me that I have it easier than him during a week but that's just totally unfair. He works 8.30am-4pm 4 days a week in school pastoral work and I teaching 2.5 days a week plus tutor from home. My teaching days do exhaust me and I do need DH to help out a bit more on those days with our dc but I think he resents it. He was really up for job sharing/childcare sharing but now I'm not so sure. It's not like he wants to be working more, he's just always saying he wants to do more for himself. I don't do anything for myself so it's not like I'm taking the piss putting stuff onto him.

He's actually spoilt today by being so horrible and moody. After having a strop about time to himself, I told him to go home (we were out) because I didn't want to be in his company anyway. So now I'm sitting in the car with dc asleep and he's doing his own thing. I'm just fed up with these moods.

I should add that ds has special needs which really effects his behaviour so this is also thrown into the mix.

He sounds like a total dickhead and I'm really not sure I could be arsed with it, to be honest. Different if you love him, but there'll come a day when you weigh what's left of your love against your future with this man. And please - for the sake of your children - let your self respect and self worth win? They don't need to see you walking on eggshells around a grown man's tantrums.

Good for you telling him to go home OP. Sounds fucking exhausting.

Wait for the dust to settle and have a serious chat maybe?

Poor love is feeling resentful at how hard his life is. Cooking him a lovely dinner and giving him a blow job will cheer the hard done by fella up.
In reality he needs to grow up and take responsibility for the life he’s created for himself.
Sorry op but sometimes the next step after ‘needing time for myself’ is crying on another woman’s shoulder about how hard he has it at home.
I’m old and cynical but I’d tell him to go and take time for himself for good. That would shake him up if you usually tiptoe around his strops.

I always think walking on eggshells I has the same result as the ick. —-it’s over.
Why should you live like this? You’re supposed to be a partnership, raising your kids together and riding the highs and solving the problems together. He sounds like he’s checked out already. Do you want to still be like this in 5 years?

8.30 to 4 working 4 days a week! good gracious it couldn`t get much easier than that he sounds like a spoilt brat what a prince.

Pastoral work can be incredibly emotionally draining - he's not just dealing with kids without any teaching responsibilities, he's dealing with (and not trained for)

SEND
Self Harm
Domestic violence
Abuse
Mental Illness
Bereavement
Trauma
Substance abuse
Poverty
Neglect
Young Carers
Violence
Angry/Unreasonable/rightfully angry/distraught/estranged/desperate parents, carers and other professionals

and could well be used to teach the children most in need of qualified teaching staff and cover up inadequacies in teaching, staffing, behavioural management and support - whilst teaching staff assume he's just a glorified babysitter who has no stress in his job whatsoever.

Basically, everything that makes teaching such a hard job. Without the pay, conditions, pension scheme, progression, job security or solidarity that teachers do benefit from.

This isn't to say he isn't being a dickhead, he could very well be and it sounds like he is - but this might be coinciding with particularly difficult days/weeks at work where he's carried the mood home with him. I've worked with people who are dropped into these roles with absolutely no support or training on how to deal with a child who has come into school covered in wounds or talking of specific plans for ending their life (and the parents just don't believe it with consequences nobody should have to know about) or responds to a request by throwing a table and threatening to stab their children because they've done something as offensive as use the child's full name instead of their preferred shortening - or vice versa.

tl;dr This could be stress from his job that he's neither equipped for nor supported to deal with that's being brought home. Maybe a discussion about him changing job would be useful? He'll certainly get better money and conditions outside Education, even part time.

Does he actually get time to himself though?

Probably not enough but more than I do.

So he's telling you what he needs. The obvious answer is to sit down and discuss what you can both do to help each other, surely?

You're both tired and resentful at the moment. That's no good for anybody.