Worried sister is rushing into marriage....

[nasaas]

My sister is 40.
Has 2 twin girls who are 18.
She has been a single mam since they were 5.
She then told the family she was a lesbian and has dated a few women (one woman for 3 years)
She makes bad choices she takes drugs (cocaine and mdma ) on nights out.
She then started sleeping with multiple women and putting herself in dangerous situations.
Anyway -my nieces moved to Liverpool to uni.

My sister met a woman and within 2 months they were living together.
9 months engaged and fast forward 5 months it's her hen party ..she's getting married in a month.
This has all happened in 18 months.
It's like she is over compensating for her daughters moving out..
I'm worried her fear of being alone is the catalyst for this.
Should I be worried? Obviously I won't say anything but her past history makes me nervous

Same sex relationships often move a lot faster than heterosexual ones for a variety of reasons. I feel like there's a lot of judgement here, and very little understanding of the complexities of coming out later in life. It's very common to have a second adolescence when you're freed from the trauma of hiding your identity from the world.

She's been out now for nearly 16 years and had other relationships.

Have you tried actually talking to your sister about how she feels about the girls leaving home?

It could be a reaction to being alone, or it could be her embracing her freedom having been a single parent for 13 years.

You're talking about your sister like she's 20, not 40.

Yeah I know she's 40 but I still worry about her.
I'm worried after all the wedding planning is over and normal reality sets in she's gonna regret it.

She didn't want them to leave home.
They wanted to move further away but she talked them into going to a closer uni.

Maybe she is rushing into it but she is an adult and her girls are adults too so she is free to do as she pleases. If it doesn't work out then she will have to deal with it. It's just possible this woman might be a good and stabilising influence on her.

You say nothing about her fiancée or how happy your sister is/isn't. Isn't that important in ascertaining whether the wedding is a good idea? If you were close, surely you could talk to her about it. If you're not, you should let her get on with her life.

I think In her head she was happy to sleep around till the girls left home (she said she would settle down once they left home )
And she has stuck to her word
I'm just worried things will go tits up

She's a nurse and gives my sister a good life,she's previously struggled and now she's able to go on nice holidays etc so that's good obviously

It doesn't seem that fast.
And maybe this is just the right time in her life for this now.

Just be optimistic, there are no guarantees but hope for the best for her.

It just seems to me
Obviously I know my sister inside and out.
I hope it does all work out but I don't want her to end up with nothing again

The drugs are the only thing that would worry me.

She’s a grow-up, with grow-up kids who are out of the house.
Doesn’t sound like your sister has money/fortune that this woman could try and get her hands on.
Yes there are abusive women out there, but nowhere near as much as abusive men, so doesn’t seem like there’s much to worry.

Except the drugs, which she already had in her life, sadly.

No she doesn't and I don't think that
My worry was if she was just trying to fill a void/scared of being alone
But then I guess most of us do the same