I want to spend less time, they want to spend more time, how do I balance needs but not seem like a b***h?

[CuttingDownOnTime]

Basically I want to spend less time with my family. I don’t dislike them I just feel like I have little in common with them and I’d rather spend the time with my DC (I have 1 DC) or my friends.

One of my parents has just had a health scare though and is insisting they need to see us more now. I have 95% residency of my DC but feel like I hardly see them due to work and various clubs and their contact with their dad (CAO so can’t change it).

Currently I see them roughly once a fortnight usually for a few hours on a Saturday. My parents are 15 years divorced so I basically feel like I’m balancing 3 families (mums, dads, and ExHs).
Parent who had health scare wants to increase it to once per week for tea and EO Saturday, they also want to be my nanny (which I don’t want or need) and want sleepovers once per month with my DC.

I want to cut it down to once a month. This parent tries to take over with my DC, undermines me when I’m punishing them e.g. I’ll say they can’t cross the road until I am close enough behind, my parent will tell them to cross it even if I can’t see them (DC has some SN so they’re younger mentally than they actually are), or I’ll say no sweets until X time and my parent just gives them, even if they’ve heard me say no.

I also find myself running out of things to say to my parent, they have completely different interests to me and they have absolutely no interest in mine so after all the usual "Hows it going?" questions with no asking about mine I find myself on a lose end.

I feel heartless though especially with the health scare, like I’m punishing them for almost being ill, but I need to do this for the sake of my own sanity as I feel like I hardly see my DC.

Is there a way to do this and soften the blow?

Just be unavailable
..
No is a complete sentence..

Be honest with them,you live your life how you want x

I feel/felt similar with my family. And also didn't just want to say no/refuse to go as it felt too harsh. The first thing I did was to avoid getting into any sort of regular arrangement. so in your case, stop going every other Saturday and make it more random days. Then I gradually spread out the time between visits. Eventually we were at what I considered a visiting schedule I could cope with. If my parents ever said "we'd like to see you more" or "why can't you come on Saturday" I wouldn't really explain, just say "sorry I can't". As DC got older and had more on, it also genuinely got harder to organise mutually convenient dates!

@redskyatnight thank you I think your right that I need to just be less available and cut down, I do feel sort of bad but it's because I want time with my DC.