Can anyone shed any light on what he's doing?!

[octo10]

I was with my ex for 5 years. We split up 8 months ago and he reached out again about a month ago after not speaking all this time. The last few weeks he's text me every day and has asked to meet up. We've met up a few times, although nothing has happened between us.

We are due to meet up tomorrow, but he has suggested coming over to mine instead and possibly staying over. He then text again and said that may be a bit inappropriate and if something happened it might be a bit awkward.

I've kind of been going along with things but that last text has thrown me. If he doesn't want to get back together what's with all the texting and wanting to meet up?

Does anyone have any experience on what he's playing at? Or what I can say to him without saying like a wet lettuce?!

Is he not testing the waters to see your reaction if something was to happen?

*sounding like a wet lettuce

What do you want? Do you want to get back with him? Why and how did it end?

Sounds like game playing to me, the kind of thing that happens when there is no trust. If you want to get back with him, tell him he can come over but there is no reason why he has to stay (or is there) - and have a proper honest conversation with him about what is going on. Take it from there.

He wants a shag.

How can you not see that?

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea It ended because he said he wasn't happy any longer.

He's trying to see what your reaction to his suggestion is

Him: Should I stay over? Oh wait, but what if something happens?

Now he's waiting for you to say either...

It's ok if it does

Or

I don't want anything to happen

He has realised the grass isn't greener and wants sex...
Cancel op.

He wants a shag.

Unless you have discussed getting back together and the things that broke you up have been sorted, stop seeing him.

Wonder no more about what he's up to. What do YOU want from the most important relationships in your life and does this fit the bill?

My guess is he ended it because he was seeing someone else and now that has gone tits up

Like others here mention, he wants sex with no strings. He is testing the water to see if that is acceptable with you. He wants you to counter his comments about it is being 'awkward' with 'no, its alright, pop over, do the deed, and walk away like a one nighter'. If you have greater expectations of rekindling romance then it is best to stay away from him and go no-contact. You won't feel used then or misled into believing he is trying to get back with you. If he wanted that, he would offer to take you out on dates.

He has taken me out for dinner twice in the last few weeks, and we've been for a drink a few times too. He's not tried to hug or kiss me any of those times. I find it odd that he would suggest staying over but then say it could be awkward if anything happened 🥴

A good, direct question to ask him is "If something did happen, why would that be awkward?"

The core issue is that you're not sure why he's started trying to insinuate himself back into your life. If you're still holding a candle for him, it would be appealing to think he's realised he made a mistake by breaking up and he's trying to rebuild a friendship with a view to getting back together. The other possibility, as other posters have suggested, is that he's run out of shagging options and you seem like an easy lay, but as he's not actually interested in resuming your relationship, he doesn't want you to get the "wrong idea" about what a casual shag would mean.

The fact that he's been oblique about what his intentions are unfortunately suggests it's the latter. If he'd really had a moment of clarity about what he's lost, he'd probably say that. The fact that he's weaselling around, inviting himself over, making hints about what "might happen" but also saying things that downplay expectations about what it "might mean" shows that he's not prepared to be upfront about what he wants. It's possible he doesn't even know what he wants.

So after a five-year relationship and a dumping that was no doubt painful, do you really want to put your heart/panties back on the table for a guy who's covering up what he's actually offering in return?

Why are you going along with this so passively?

^ That's pretty much it.

Honestly I'd put every penny I have on the fact that he cheated on you, left you for them and has now found himself alone so I wouldn't entertain it

I think it's best to move on. You're not going to meet anyone else while he's keeping you dangling, blowing hot and cold and making you dance to his tune.
It's making you feel insecure, this is not how good relationships should be.

You're worth far more than this. He's throwing you crumbs, don't accept that treatment from a man.

This. Bloody hell op.

It ended because he said he wasn't happy any longer

So you’re good enough to share a bed with but not to share a life with!??

Send him packing, you’re worth more.

He is just reaching out and testing you to see: (1) if you have someone else or are lonely, free and available for him; (2) if you are still angry or have calmed down enough to let him back into your life; (3) if you would be interested and hopeful that you two MIGHT get back together; and (4) if he can create that hope, then he can manipulate you with words of the past and create an opportunity to slide through and tap that ass without a commitment under the guise of wanting to "spend time" with you.

My suggestion is that you let him know you are onto his game and that he is NOT coming over, nor are you going to his. And that it's been nice catching up but there is no point in continuing any further communication. You wish him luck and then hang up and block his number. Block him from all your social media accounts. Block him from having any access to you to run this tired stupid trash game.

I do not understand why women break up with a clown then don't block him to prevent this kind of garbage from coming into your life?! Why do you all keep the door open for them to bother you? Are you secretly hoping he will want to come back or something? I don't get it. He was trash and that's why you broke up. Trash never morphs into something beautiful again. It just gets stinkier.

Agreed. And worried he'll see her as a 'wet lettuce'

Fuck that. He clearly wants no strings sex. Run

Only you know how it ended, what the relationship was like, and how you feel about him. But don't sleep with him unless he is honest and clear with you that he made a big mistake and wants a second chance. At this point after he's been wining and dining you for a few weeks I would be very upfront with him, something like 'its been nice spending time with you again, however I was very hurt by what happened between us, and I do not understand what your motivations are here, what do you want from me?' And leave the ball in his court to explain exactly what he is up to. And do not get involved sexually with him unless you are sure he is quite genuine in wanting to try again, because you could end up getting very hurt again. And if he has a shred of decency and care for you after a 5 year relationship he will not want that either.

OP Once he has had his shag he will disappear only to return when he wants another shag which if you are daft enough to let him in the first place it will be your own fault.

Why are you just going along with everything he says and wants? He's not even come bursting back on the scene declaring his love for you and full of remorse and regret, he's just making suggestions that he might have sex with you. And to add insult to injury, he's not even mustering up much enthusiasm even for that crap offer!

Are you happy, OP, to be used by the man who dumped you because he felt that you weren't good enough for him? Are you happy for him to throw some insipid no strings sex your way when he's bored or lonely? And to only reappear again when he's at a loose end?