www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4553597-is-she-being-unreasonable-about-holidays?page=1
I wrote this last month.
It was about my situation at home.
A brother who lives abroad and we are oceans apart wanted to come home on holidays and bring his wife and child.
I was so happy hearing this news but my mother had different feelings on the matter.
She didn't want the family at home. To some degree I was able to see where she was coming from because the family home is an older home and there was neglect on the home for a few years due to my mother's separation, some poverty, a different brother involved with drugs. I was willing to work on the house and make it presentable. My mother still wasn't having any of it.
She was willing to find them alternative accommodation and pay for it but she refused to communicate this with them too. Her idea became an obsession. I tried helping her seek alternative accommodation but it was impossible and her frustration boiled into anger to the degree that she nearly self combusted.
I saw my mother's face during that week and she really didn't want his family at home no matter what.
I was in a difficult position. I made contact with the brother abroad and I told him that mother isn't very happy about the house.
Eventually he contacted me to tell me that he and his family wasn't welcome at home.
I was heartbroken reading this. He and his family was welcome at home. By me anyways. He pulled out from his plans to come home.
As soon as my mothers anger died down I was allowed to go ahead with preparations on the house because the jobs needed to be done anyways. I enjoyed working on the house doing jobs like gardening and painting.
In the back of my mind I was thinking maybe my brother might change his mind or maybe if the work is done my mother might change her mind but there's none of that happening.
I think a balance could be found if my mother wanted it and that would be to invite my brother and the family to stay for 2/3 weeks instead of 4.
Like if 4 weeks was too overwhelming.
I am heartbroken in all of this. I was looking forward to seeing my niece and sister in law and my brother.
There's nothing else happening this summer.
It also looks to me as if my mother is jealous of my brothers partner and I am finding this very difficult to understand.
In my mothers mind there's only room for one woman in her sons life and that will be his mother. I don't know. My mother went on some rants to me over the past few weeks saying how unreasonable my brother is but she's failing to understand what her own part in all of this is too.
She doesn't want his family at home. Not even for one night.
What grandmother doesn't want to see their own grandchild who lives a world apart.
I know other people who lives abroad and for months I was seeing pictures from the post pandemic meet ups within families.
This is so hard. I am upset because I was so close to spending a summer with my niece but my mother couldn't see the wood from the trees in any of this.