Do I like someone else?

[Abbydoo]

Hi, so I’ve been in a relationship with my fiancé for about 7 years now. We have kids together and own a house. However, there has been 1 other man on my mind for years and years.

this other man was a hook up from way before I met my fiancé but nothing else ever happened between us.

I’ve always had a massive crush on him and it’s never stopped. He was off social media for years and I never saw him anywhere but still I kept thinking about him!

hes now back on social media and we message every now and then (which I know I shouldn’t) I just can’t help myself, I don’t say anything flirty or anything I’m literally just talking to him. But I really really can’t get him out of my head! I haven’t seen him in probably 10 years but still feel obsessed with him!

I know he likes me too as he’s always asking to see me but obviously I can’t as I have a fiancé and kids.

why do I feel this way about him? What do I do? I love my fiancé and my family so much but I just don’t know how to get that man out of my head!

You say he was a 'hook up' were your'll ever in a relationship? If not maybe that's what you are stuck on unresolved feelings and thoughts of 'What if, what could it have developed into'

Why was he just a 'hook up' and never developed into something more back then?
Is he in a current relationship?

Sometimes it's best to leave the past exactly there, in the past OP. Once you open the doors you are inevitably inviting him back into your life. It starts with thoughts, then messages, then 'innocent' meetings and then into something more and you find you've dug yourself into a deep hole and cannot get out.

Block him, why taunt yourself with him if it can't go anywhere. It's easy to make him into something amazing because you've never lived the day to day grind with him, after 10 years of fantasizing I expect he's been built up into something pretty amazing. Any time you start thinking about him put a stop to it and instead use that time to think about your family - plan something nice to do with your kids, plan something for your husbands birthday, put that time into doing something positive for your real relationship.

Either cut it, or tell your partner how you feel. How do you think you're having a loving trusting relationship, with this going on in the background?

I just can’t help myself

Yes, you can. You choose not to. It's very disrespectful to your partner, each and every time.

Ok, so you leave your fiance, break up the family and get into a relationship with him. What if he turns out to be a total nightmare after a couple of months and you have ruined your life? I think you should block him and think of your family.

You absolutely can help yourself. You are messaging him because you want to. If you didn't want to, then you wouldn't.

Do you honestly love your fiance and family? Do you imagine the rest of your life with him, and him only? If you do, then you need to stop messaging this man from the past completely. It's the only respectful thing to do for your fiance and it's the only way you can say he's truly in the past and nothing is going to happen.

If you have any doubts at all, then you need to be honest with your fiance and put off your wedding. It's really unfair to marry someone while obessesing about someone else. How would you feel if it was your fiance writing this, and you knew nothing about it?