Why does everyone like her?

[plankofwood]

I posted a while ago so won't bore you too much with backstory.
We were "friends " over 15 years but she always put me down and I think she was jealous..always commenting on clothes I wore that she hated them ..then wore them.
Blah blah
But we did have good times in all that,went on holidays together,I would look after her kids etc etc.
Then I started seeing her friend and she made it her mission to split us up (it worked )
Saying I was crazy ,I was unstable ..making up so many lies about me ..ultimately cutting off our friendship saying I was abusive (to split us up -im not )
She has done similar to ex's and other friends.

Anyway my ex has a new gf now and she is liking the new girlfriends pics (love this hun) (so happy for yous )
And the new gf is loving her Facebook posts too.

Why couldn't she just let us be happy? Why do all of what she did to me ? Then be all over this new woman.
Why can't people see what she is?
Why did none of them think "hang on she's been friends all those years ..now all of a sudden she says all of this -makes no sense "

It honestly makes me so upset
Why do people like her ? When she's so toxic

You know what's mad.
She's so toxic and nasty...yet she flips it and I was the nasty one.
I literally don't have a nasty bone in my body.
I hate hurting people and literally would do anything to help people ..yet her description of me is the total opposite.

Because if she was mean to the next gf it would be obvious it was her that was the issue. She had to be nice to the next one to continue the illusion that the issue was you and she was just trying to protect him.

The best 'revenge' is to move on with your life. Go to the gym, get an extra qualification, get a new hobby, spend time with real friends, get your hair done and enjoy your life. As time passes your feelings will subside and the more you do to better yourself the quicker this will happen.

You sound like you are struggling to move on because you can't make sense of her.

It sounds like she may have high narcissistic traits. If you look that up, it might make sense for you. Sadly, it won't change anything, but you can perhaps understand a bit more about what happened. It's a bit like learning another language.

Because if she was mean to the next gf it would be obvious it was her that was the issue. She had to be nice to the next one to continue the illusion that the issue was you and she was just trying to protect him.

This probably - she may be waiting and trying for more subtle.

Some people see and don't care or don't want to get involved - some need much more time and examples.

Had few times in my life people "see" then get upset I'm not shocked upset or wanting to rehash stuff because by then I don't give a fuck - especially ones who see because it's now affecting them.

You know what she like now - move on and keep your distance would be my advice.

Stop self harming, move on and find better people in life

The nicer you get the more it enrages her. All you can do is keep as much distance as possible from her.

You're better than her-- she knows it and tries to pull you down.

The ex who she turned against you clearly is a dick for believing her. No way would he have made a good bf who stands by you, even without her interference. You dodged a bullet there.

I can see why this still plays on your mind.

Just keep doing what you are doing and ask your friends not to show you stuff. After a decent amount of time you will not care as much. You are 100% better off without these people in your life.

Tell your friend you don't want to know what your ex boyfriend / his girlfriend / your ex friend are posting on social media. It's really shitty for her to show you that stuff knowing it clearly gets under your skin massively.

As for wanting everyone to see who she really is, that she's nasty etc... they'll either find out when she's nasty to them / someone they know or she won't be nasty to them / someone they know and so they'll assume she's nice.

None of those outcomes affect you at all. You need to let go of this now and if you are finding it impossible then maybe it's worth a couple of counselling sessions as this level of intense feeling about it is toxic and you're only doing yourself damage, nobody else

Yeah I'm deffo struggling to still get my head around it.
Why she /how she could throw a friendship away just like that after all of those years.
I honestly don't get it.

Maybe it is worth having a few counselling sessions to work through this Op as it seems a real stumbling block regarding you being able to move on.

You need to (IMO) come to a headspace where you realise it doesn't matter why she did it what she did, all that matters is that she did it and now it's done.

And you need to reclaim your time, energy and headspace rather than focusing on people who now have nothing to do with you and no impact on your life unless you look them up or your friends tell you what they're up to.

Your friend is mean for doing that, or very immature. I would tell her immediately that you don't want to know anything about any of them.

But by your own account you considered her a friend for 15 years while she criticised your clothes and was negative towards you — why would you expect other people to regard her as an enemy when you didn’t for years?

@HerTableLaid I think I thought once they seen how nasty she could they would
Or my ex when he sat and thought about it would realise what a nasty person she is ...apparently not

You have been unlucky enough to come in to contact with this toxic person. You were friends for a while, so you didn't realise how bad she was, or she wasn't all bad, or you were willing to overlook it. She managed to split you up from your bf but the upside is you are away from her now, and you never have to speak to her or think about her again.

Every moment you spend thinking about her is time wasted. You're giving her control over your mind and your mood. You have moved on. Celebrate the fact she is no longer able to ruin things for you.

The fact she appears friendly with the new gf - could be fake, could be temporary, could be because she has her own reasons to appear friendly. Whatever - it doesn't need to affect you. You are best off away from it. Live your life. Be grateful she isn't in it anymore and then stop thinking of her.

Be like Elsa.

This, but I would emphasise the first part. You cannot control other people. Manage yourself first, then connect with others.

No one is all one thing or another so stop looking for extremes to fit your narrative, she behaved badly, you can choose to not engage with and to move on from this.

What worries me is what other people now think of me because of her
All the lies she's told but I guess nothing else I can do apart from move on and just forget

You are giving her too much space in your head, and putting yourself as too much in the centre of others thoughts. I really don't think many people will focus or ruminate on what she says about you.