Should I stay or should I go…?

[Clarklette85]

I honestly am so confused about what to do with my relationship, my partner and I have been together 6 years, married 4, 2 kids together, 1 is 3, 1 is a baby and I’m really trying to work out what the best thing to do is.
very often i feel like he doesn’t listen to me, talks down to me and gets really cross over tiny little things. I feel like im walking on eggshells constantly, and short tempered with the children because if i sort them out before he does then I know he can’t get cross or rage at them. When he is away with work, its a calmer happier house but i appreciate thats really different to being seperated.
we do have good times together and when he’s not cross he is a really good dad and can be a fairly good partner. I just don’t know what to do for the best.

It’s an abusive relationship as he rules by fear. You won’t see that as you’re in the relationship.
You should get your ducks in a row and end it.

What things are going on in his life? He is stressed at work for example? Are you both worried about money?

You are behaving in a way to keep him from getting angry, what does that tell you?

Things are calm when he's away.

There may be good times but are they worth living like that ^ for the next however many years? It won't change. Well, it might get worse.

What would you like, in your ideal world, for you and your children?

For the first two years there was none of this behaviour then when we had kids and moved into a project house thats when it started. He keeps promising to work on it and try harder to control his anger and make an effort with our relationship, but it never ever happens. He acts like what im asking is unreasonable but what im asking for is for him to make an effort with me and our children.
we’re selling our house at the moment so i think that doesnt help, but i dont know if thats the main cause or of the root of the problem is he wants his idea of perfection from us all, and we’re falling short of it which makes him cross.
ideally he’d just go back to how he was for the first two years, but its been like this longer than not now. I dont know whats best to do for the girls.

I dont know whats best to do for the girls.

I'm going to be blunt here, what's best for them is not to bring them up thinking this is what relationships are like. My biological father was an angry man and controlling of my mum. I didn't know any better, I spent 30 years with a similar man.

You can see at this stage what he is like. The fact that he is trying to make out that you are unreasonable for wanting decent behaviour is very telling. The fact that nothing ever changes is also telling, as is the fact that this started when you had children. It's very often the case.

Get your girls away from this controlling, angry man. Currently you are demonstrating to them that if a man behaves in this way, the thing to do is stay, and do everything you can to pacify him. Is that the lesson you want them to learn, and to apply to their future relationships?

Or, would you rather teach them, and show them, that when a man is angry, you get away from him?