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Original poster

Blocked on her birthday after serious relationship, whyyy?

41 replies

Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 01:16

So I'd been seeing this girl for 9 months. Everything was going great for two months. She came with me to a fancy restaurant on my birthday and even invited me to her citizenship ceremony. We had loads of dates and were falling in love.

The problems first started about two months in when she video called me and said she didn't know where the relationship was going. This was despite me saying that I really wanted the relationship to work. She admitted that she was in love with me but that her recent ex was asking for another chance and she was considering going back. She made a really horrific comment about being "stuck in the middle" which was like a bullet through my heart. I couldn't believe how she could do this to me after all we'd had at that point. I was completely distraught. We stayed together though because she made a real effort to show she wanted me. But because I always thought she'd have a backup boyfriend to go to this gave me massive anxiety for the rest of the relationship.

Everything was going great for a while. We had such great times together on valentines day and even had some professional couples photos together. But over a few days/weeks she just seemed to completely lose interest. We never went out in the evenings anymore and stopped making plans for the future.

I should say at this point that she had never invited me to her house which I thought was really weird. Her excuse was that she had a "friend" who was down on his luck who needed a place to stay because he had a bad credit rating. She lived in a one bed rented flat.

So the time eventually came (about 9 months in) when she admitted to me that the person she was living with was her ex-boyfriend who apparently slept on a mattress on the floor. I'd pretty much worked this out anyway given how she hid things and from some comments she deleted on her Instagram profile. She said they weren't together but he made her promise that she wouldn't throw him out of the house because of his money problems. All the time she had this commitment to someone else at the expense of me not being allowed to her to her place.

After this we had a few massive arguments including one time where I exploded about how the ex boyfriend lies and how she was a massive hypocrite. She was always saying how we should be open with each other and tell each other everything but she kept this huge lie all the time.

Anyway we still made up after this and saw each other a few times after. I even went with her to see a house she was looking to buy. We were even talking about living together and having a family. She had an offer accepted on a house 2 days before...

On her birthday I woke up and found that she had blocked my phone number on both her work and home phone. I was completely distraught. We were video calling just 2 days before and even texting the night before. I thought we were going to spend our lives together in her new house and she just treated me like complete s*. I haven't even tried to contact her since because I truly truly despise her for what she's done to me.

Does anyone know what might have been going through her head to have blocked me on her birthday?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 20:33

PotteringPondering · 24/06/2022 14:40

Was she really keeping her options open, or was it all a scam from day one?

Sorry to sound cynical, but you haven't said much about money. Did you give her money towards the new house?

I already own my own house. She was the one who was saying I should move in with her. She was buying her own place by herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 20:36

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 24/06/2022 20:10

and she's getting a new house that could have been ours together. Her next boyfriend is going to have all the advantages that I didn't get. That's what tears me up inside.

This stood out to me too. It is almost as though you are resentful that your free house and lifestyle has been taken from you. Not the fact that you’ve lost her. It sounds terribly entitled. (Even if this is not what you intended)

I do wonder if this was part of her decision to block you.

I already have a house that I own. It wasn't about a free place it was about building a life together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 20:41

JamieNorthlife · 24/06/2022 20:13

@Jim1987, thats all you got from what I wrote?

Have you ever really listened to her?

I actually feel for her. She seems to be the one doing the emotional support. Her ex needs a place to stay and crashes at hers.
OP, was already making plans to live in her new place.

So, basically, SHE needs to learn to say NO to these types of relationships.

Op, you should not be putting so much pressure on her, especially so early on in the relationship. You are responsible for your own happiness, not her.

Have you ever considered going to therapy to help you navigate through emotions and relationships? A lot of people find that it helps them and gives them some perspective on life and relationships.

I do sincerely wish you a future filled with happy experiences.

take care

Yes that was all I got because the response was vague and grammatically ambiguous.

So tell me, what do you mean by "troll", "tag along" and "ticking boxes".

I'm perfectly willing to accept criticism, of course it's one sided because I wrote it.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 24/06/2022 20:56

🌊

Pinkbonbon · 24/06/2022 20:58

If someone us telling you they are in love with you at just 2 months in then thats the first sign everything is not as it seems. Let alone then adding on that they are torn between u and their ex.

It's only been 9 months op, don't you think this is a massive amount of drama for any relationship, let alone such a short one.

She has done you a favor in blocking you. Return the block and keep her gone. And ask yourself why you've put up with so much fakeness and shit. And don't say love. Because sorry but that's bullshit.

Lack of self love and need to seek validation from someone outwith yourself perhaps. Assuming you might be young still, in which case this is common. But believe us, you are well rid of her and you are worth more than that shit she put you through. So in future, don't let ppl treat you that way.

Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 21:04

Pinkbonbon · 24/06/2022 20:58

If someone us telling you they are in love with you at just 2 months in then thats the first sign everything is not as it seems. Let alone then adding on that they are torn between u and their ex.

It's only been 9 months op, don't you think this is a massive amount of drama for any relationship, let alone such a short one.

She has done you a favor in blocking you. Return the block and keep her gone. And ask yourself why you've put up with so much fakeness and shit. And don't say love. Because sorry but that's bullshit.

Lack of self love and need to seek validation from someone outwith yourself perhaps. Assuming you might be young still, in which case this is common. But believe us, you are well rid of her and you are worth more than that shit she put you through. So in future, don't let ppl treat you that way.

Is two months really that long to admit being in love? Anyway I appreciate your kind response and as you say, I'm slowly realising that she was an awful person who put me through shit.

OP posts:
TooMuchToblerone · 24/06/2022 21:06

Sorry this has happened. She's a player.
I actually believe she will at some point get back in touch. I can already tell you that she will be saying she's so sorry and she made a big mistake and she's seen that light. Undoubtedly it'll be because things are less rosy with her boyfriend.
Do not take her back or fall for any of it.

Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 22:09

TooMuchToblerone · 24/06/2022 21:06

Sorry this has happened. She's a player.
I actually believe she will at some point get back in touch. I can already tell you that she will be saying she's so sorry and she made a big mistake and she's seen that light. Undoubtedly it'll be because things are less rosy with her boyfriend.
Do not take her back or fall for any of it.

Thanks, but I doubt it. If I could have the girl she was in the first 6 months I'd take her back in a second. But not the girl she became.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 22:45

serenghetti2011 · 24/06/2022 20:07

It’s meant to be fun and light for the first months. You love bombed her, talking about the future, couples photos? Sorry just a bit odd I think it was too much too soon. You need to preserve your love and your feelings early on. Take it slow, get to know someone before you jump in again.

It was exactly the opposite, she was the one who organised the photos and asked me if I wanted to do them. She was the one who said she wanted to date for marriage and not casually. I did not "love bomb" her. I was the one who was perfectly happy having fun dating for a while before things turned very serious but I agreed to everything she asked because I was in love and felt it would work.

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 24/06/2022 22:53

A citizenship ceremony, an ex boyfriend sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and being able to buy a new house on her own … hmmm … I feel you were swept along on a promise that didn’t reflect her true intentions. Sorry to be cynical but you have been a safety net for her plans and you are no longer needed.

Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 23:03

SarahDippity · 24/06/2022 22:53

A citizenship ceremony, an ex boyfriend sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and being able to buy a new house on her own … hmmm … I feel you were swept along on a promise that didn’t reflect her true intentions. Sorry to be cynical but you have been a safety net for her plans and you are no longer needed.

That might be true but why did you mention being able to buy a house on her own? She's highly paid. Re: citizenship ceremony, she applied for UK citizenship and invited me to the ceremony, not her ex-boyfriend.

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 24/06/2022 23:18

I’m just replying to the facts you presented. When taken collectively, it made me wonder if you were being teed up as a potential husband to expedite citizenship. And when she got that independently, were you surplus to requirements? I’m speculating as to whether, with hindsight, these might have been red flags. Forgive me is this is way off, but perhaps worth considering.

Original poster
Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 23:27

SarahDippity · 24/06/2022 23:18

I’m just replying to the facts you presented. When taken collectively, it made me wonder if you were being teed up as a potential husband to expedite citizenship. And when she got that independently, were you surplus to requirements? I’m speculating as to whether, with hindsight, these might have been red flags. Forgive me is this is way off, but perhaps worth considering.

Ah ok I get what you were thinking now. Yes its way off, it wasn't a marriage citizenship. She applied to be a UK citizen months before we met in the normal manner. She got accepted and the ceremony happened about 6 weeks into our relationship and she asked me to go with her. That was another early indication of how much she felt about me, inviting me to go to a significant life event with her.

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 25/06/2022 00:53

Jim1987 · 24/06/2022 19:35

As I said, she was the only girl in 15 years i was properly serious about. that's what love does to you.

Show quote history

At 8 weeks, no matter what it feels like, it ain’t love.

Pinkbonbon · 25/06/2022 07:23

Yeah about the love thing op, at 8 weeks in you don't even know a person so no matter how smitten you might be by the good stuff you've seen so far...it's not love.

The person you saw in the first 6 months was her on her best behaviour. As it is with most people. Although tbf she even acted like a dick during part of that time. You were in love with an idea of a future together with some you loved...but that's not the same as being in love with an actual person with faults (not that I blame you for not tolerating her faults any longer as they are great big whopping faults, with bells on them).

It sounds like she maybe 'love bombed' you in the beginning? Google it and see if it rings any bells. It's a common move from narcissistic manipulators in order to get you to fall fast and lower your guard with them.

Remember in future that that head rush kind of feeling is infatuation (and that is great but can also make us act irrationally). That real love comes from knowing and trusting a person and develops organically over a considerable period of time. Be wary of anyone telling you they love you early on because either they struggle like you did to tell love apart from infatuation...or they're trying to sell you some bs.

Crimeismymiddlename · 25/06/2022 07:57

I think you are going to have to accept that the ex was not an ex, and they are buying that house together and that is why you got blocked. It’s really hard, but long term you are better off.

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