So awkward. How do I approach this situation? Please help

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DP & I have his brother staying with us for 10 days (we have moved from the UK to overseas) for the first time since the move.

We are 25/26 and his brother is 18. The brother is a uni student living in accommodation, but it’s day 1 and he.. stinks. His clothes are damp. He’s leaving a stench with body odour and sweating. I’ve even heard DP’s auntie comment on this before in the past and never paid attention since we’ve never had him stay.

I spoke to DP about this who is being useless - the spare room he’s staying in, he has the damp clothes out and it absolutely reeks. He’s showered and it still smells bad after I’ve moved the clothes. He stayed on the couch last night while we made up the new bed and downstairs now stinks.

DP is becoming super defensive when I bring this up, saying anyone sleeping on a couch would sweat and it’s normal, what do I want him to do, what do I want him to say bla bla but downstairs has only started to smell this evening, nothing to do with him sleeping on there.

He’s now went to sleep in silent treatment annoyed at me - but he’s a complete sucker for his family and way too attached. I don’t know how to approach this? Our house literally smells horrendous and now I feel like such a bitch..

I genuinely just think his brother doesn’t know how to look after himself?

I wish!! We don’t have a washing machine yet so go to the local dry cleaners - this was my first suggestion but DP said no luck because his brother won’t have any clothes left!

Buy some Febreeze or local equivalent.
Wash all his clothes
Take brother for a walk and gently explains to him the situation. If not using deodorant buy him some. Yes he should know all this but you are doing him a favor by explaining it

He can borrow some of his brothers clothes surely?

They are way too different in size, ones small and skinny and the other is big and overweight

Clothes do stink if you leave them damp for too long. I would just say that and find a way for him to dry them properly. If it's his body, I would say, you need to take a shower. I didn't grow up in the UK, though, and am always baffled by the British reluctance to speak their minds.

I feel like maybe I’ve jumped the gun bringing it up to DP? I feel so awful now, he kept asking me what is it I expect him to say or do and his brother smells and now I feel super harsh

Also, men can smell when dehydrated. Make sure he drinks enough water.

he went for a walk earlier and I kept asking why doesn’t he take his water bottle which he kept changing the subject, so I just stopped asking or encouraging. Honestly felt like I was nagging

No one would be allow to stink like that in my home. He's an 18 year old, surely you can manage to talk to himself if your useless partner won't. I would be blunt. "Edward, I'm sorry to have to say this, but you and your clothing smell, and it's making my home smell. I need you to please shower, put some fresh clothes on, and wash the ones you're wearing."

*talk to him yourself

You are not a bitch at all. I wouldn’t survive even a day and would comment after just 2 hours.
Do you think it’s because of his washing routine or he’s got a medical issue?
I think your plan depends on your relationship and other factors. Can he rewash his clothes realistically? I mean considering the amount and drying conditions . It also could be his deodorant or shaving gel, it’s trickier but you can say that you’ve got problem with smells and ask him to use less then usual if possible. And can you ask his mum to have a chat with him?
By the way your DH’s position is really bad - he can help his brother and instead he’s sulking as a teenager himself. Does he want someone in halls to comment on this?
I remember my cousin told me when I was about 13 (so more then 30 years ago): Arena, you stink! Have you showered today? And have you ever washed this cardigan?
I was very embarrassed and even a bit defensive but I’ve learned my lesson and it’s the first and the last comment in my life of this sort.

Yes, I see what you mean, you're not his mother. Only so much you can do, I suppose.

We've had a heat wave so why are his clothes damp and smelling? Stick them outside to dry and they'll be dry in a few hours!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

He needs to wash his cloths at a laundrette rather than a dry cleaners and he needs to use some white vinegar in the rinse stage of the wash. It's very good at removing unpleasant odours and doesn't leave a vinegar smell. Same with bedding & towels.
He needs to a proper soap, and then a anti-perspirant such as Mitcham - available in Superdrug,

If after all this he still smells, it's probably a trip to the GP and the medical route.

Clearly your DP isn't up to the job of telling him, so it falls to you. get your DP to be there too, so he can learn how to tackle this type of situation. So just someone up thread suggested - be straight talking -

Fred I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you and your clothes smell of body odour and you need to start sorting this out today.

And then tell him how

If he comes back and says he doesn't mind - tell him straight that you do mind and it's highly unpleasant for everyone.

We rented a room out to a student friend of DH's once. He stank. Offering to wash his clothes only worked for a short while, because he wouldn't wash them again, until we offered. He did shower every couple of days, but he had a major BO problem.

In the end DH got drunk with him one night and told him straight that he smelled. He genuinely hadn't realised and thought we were just being nice by offering to do his washing. He was obviously a bit embarrassed, but things improved greatly after that chat.

He's a teen and needs guidance.

But him a tracksuit or something to wear while his other clothing gets a vinegar soak & trip to laundrette. Does he own sufficient underwear to change every day?? Socks? Shampoo?

Tell him he's a man now, with needs for an adult hygiene routine to avoid smelling and to put his best foot forward at school, work & social situations.

Get him proper soap & deodorant. Tell him hi turn at the shower is 9am daily. Make it a fun rite of passage. If you can afford to spruce up his wardrobe with new jeans, tshirts, underwear and socks it would be a kindness.

Is it standard stinky BO, is it damp clothes from not being dried properly or is it that odd acrid smell that comes from clothes that have been sweated into generally and just not washed?

I suspect the latter because that is really a really pervasive smell!

I'd just be blunt. Don't wash everything because he'll have nothing to wear but, if he can't smell it himself and your partner won't deal with it, I'd just say, "I'm taking clothes to he washed today. Some of yours smell Like they need washing. Go and get them and I'll take them with me." If he objects, "But they need washing. Go and get them." "I'll do it later" "Go and get them, it's making the house smell". Ad infinitum. That way you're making it about the clothes and not him personally.

He's technically an adult now but he's not quite grown up in this respect (and some people never do unfortunately!) So still needs 'parenting' in this respect.

It's your home. Take control of it.

I agree with pp who said try help him out I know he's an adult but we all need help sometimes and he's probably nose blind. Help him with the washing until you get washing machine then show him how to use, buy him some nice toiletries (,we'll make DH buy them) and just be kind x