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Original poster

Exes are gay

20 replies

aperolga · 23/06/2022 22:07

Has anyone else had this where they have dated guys (talking about a lot younger) who later turned out to be gay? I have had this 3 times. I am wondering if it's something that I have subconsciously been attracted to.

OP posts:
Original poster
aperolga · 23/06/2022 22:10

I mean when I was younger - not that they were younger.

OP posts:
Original poster
aperolga · 23/06/2022 23:04

Bump

OP posts:
EarthSight · 23/06/2022 23:07

Hasn't happened to me, but what were your exes likes? Any similarities between them? Having worked in an industry where I would say there were more gay men than average, you start to see patterns after a while, some of which are very subtle and it seems some women are oblivious to them.

Blue4YOU · 23/06/2022 23:15

Hi OP - just asking as you did not say; gay men or gay women?
I’ve been in relationships (brief) with bisexual men. Several times. But to be fair I knew up front in one case and the other two were pretty obvious after a period of time.
Im thinking that’s lots of people are more open to sexual relationships with people of either sex now so perhaps it’s that rather than you being someone who attracts people who aren’t attracted to women (and gay men can be attracted to women: George Michael was very clear on this, though obviously it won’t be like that for all gay men).
What is it that troubles you about it? (Don’t get me wrong I’d be asking questions if three exes were “straight” and then were gay but I don’t think it’d upset me)

Soangrynow · 23/06/2022 23:16

Would love to know what these signs are as I think I’m drawn to these without really knowing why...

MarmiteCoriander · 23/06/2022 23:16

I dated my 1st boyfriend for 4yrs, from age 16. We broke up due to mutual reasons and about 2 yrs later he came out. I was glad that he was happy and had found what he was looking for.

At high school, I hung out in a group of about 8, incl 3 boys. All the boys in our group have since come out.

Soangrynow · 23/06/2022 23:16

EarthSight

Stillfunny · 23/06/2022 23:25

At least three that I know of.I am of an age where it was not easy for guys to come out ,they had long left home before they were able to. One ,I always though might be ,but the other two were a big surprise . My friends tease me how crap my gaydar was

Original poster
aperolga · 24/06/2022 07:37

Sorry i should have been clearer. I'm female, heterosexual. The exes were male. At the time they hadn't come out. I just wonder if that's my type somehow.

OP posts:
Cyberworrier · 24/06/2022 07:43

Not quite the same but two exes were bi. The second one I found out he was bi when we were together, not a big deal. I found out more recently the first one is now openly bisexual and it made me sad that he hadn't been able to be open with me (and as we were very young when together I think he had been struggling to come to terms with being attracted to men as well as women while we were together- not that he cheated - he was lovely- but he clearly had been struggling with his identity etc).

Cyberworrier · 24/06/2022 07:45

Oh and two gay friends tried to date me before they came out (eg when they were either pretending to themselves or the world they were straight) so I have thought that's strange, when tallied with the two bi exes.

Sisisimone · 24/06/2022 07:48

No never, and I would definitely be questioning myself if it happened 3 times

Blue4YOU · 24/06/2022 07:57

Maybe it’s that you are attracted to a more overtly “gentle”, less typical than the cliché macho type, or “lads”, or any other usual male stereotype?

Original poster
aperolga · 24/06/2022 08:42

That's interesting, there aren't obvious similarities but actually maybe there are under the surface. I'm going to think about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
aperolga · 24/06/2022 08:42

Sorry that was a reply to @EarthSight

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WilsonMilson · 24/06/2022 08:51

No, never. If it happened 3 times to me, I’d also be questioning myself as to what qualities attract me. So, what are you attracted to in a man?

SABM10 · 24/06/2022 10:06

Not me, but two of the four semi-serious girlfriends my husband had before meeting me are now gay transmen. In his case I think it's more the kind of person that is attracted to him, rather than the kind of person he's attracted to, if that makes sense? He's quite camp and a lot of people assume he's gay on first meeting so maybe these women (now men) found that attractive!

BiscoffSundae · 24/06/2022 10:11

Nope

kmblark · 26/06/2022 19:05

Probably a coincidence, unless the quality in men you like is that they like men.

GreyCarpet · 26/06/2022 19:21

When I was in my early 20s, I dated three men who later turned out to be gay.

I was attracted to them because they were quieter and less blokey than the other men I met. I suppose, at the time, they didn't feel sexually threatening to me. Because they weren't!

25 years on, my type has definitely changed and I rather like a manly man.

I wouldn't overthink it. It's just part of life.

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