First date and first rejection

[Littleonesad]

Just need a hand hold!

first date at 37 year old and it went ok. At the end he wanted to see me again… he asked.

messaged him yesterday with dates I was somewhat available and I’ve been ignored.

im not a catch. I have no friends. Overweight. Low paid job. I doubt I’ll date again.

just feeling sad, didn’t sleep last night. now I’m like an overly tired child - won’t sleep.

:(

This is hard. But you’ll need a thicker skin for online dating. It’s a bloody minefield and getting ghosted or friend zoned is part and parcel of dating at the best of times.

I know exactly how you feel, I’m recently back on OLD sites and trying not to get my hopes up as it’s so hard judging what someone will be like from a couple of tiny photos and a snippet of text. First meet should be a kind of “pre-date” to see if you want to meet for an actual date.

Did you chat much before hand? I’m not sure if that helps or not tbh - I find that you can build up a false sense of intimacy that way and then when you actually meet things aren’t how you imagined.

I’d give him a few days tbh, he may have a busy week, have another date planned with someone else (that’s totally ok at this stage!) or be weighing up whether there’s enough there to warrant trying another date.

fwiw from the other side of it, I went on a date last weekend and he seemed keener than me, has been messaging constantly ever since and that’s also uncomfortable as I don’t want to be a bitch, so I’m going along with the whole “I’m not sure there’s a spark, but sure let’s meet again” to be nice, but honestly I’m not feeling it. Something might grow from a friendship so I’m not saying never at this point.

But I’d say you’re better off being let down at this stage than having him be polite and go out with you again and get your hopes up if he’s not into it.

BTW I’m also overweight, with a shit job and no friends and have been told by several men online that I’m a breath of fresh air because I’m honest and funny etc, so don’t put yourself down. You need to believe you’re a catch for anyone else to think so too.

Yes I maybe came on too strong etc…
i want a particular type of relationship (culturally) and I needed to see what he wanted etc…. He was more experienced then me.

Prob came on too strong…. Prob did.

oh well it doesn’t matter because I‘ don’t really have a lot to offer someone

Old is a minefield love .

I'm a fit , relatively decent looking albeit older woman .

I've been dating for 3 years. I've had some proper whack a doodles .

Been hurt a couple of times .

It's not you ! It's a very insular way to meet people . Keep going , just enjoy it for what it is .
I keep hoping I'll click with someone .
I have twice . Both times they ditched me .

I‘ don’t really have a lot to offer someone

Stop putting yourself down! I bet you have a lot to offer.

If you are new to dating, just look at it as getting to know someone. Some you gel with, some you don't.

That's life.

Of course you have a lot to offer the right person, he just wasn’t it.

Stop talking yourself down. That will put someone off a lot quicker than anything else.

Someone liked you enough to have a date, it may not have worked out (or he hasn’t responded right away for any number of other reasons) but that doesn’t mean there aren’t others out there. OLD is a hideous practice and it’s not for the faint of heart.

Keep trying but also try to meet people in real life too. Let people get to know you slowly too. Allow yourself to flirt and be flirted with without obligation of dating or reciprocation. Get the practice in.

You are worth far more than you give yourself credit for.

I'm not being rude but how are you 37 and only had 1 date ? You've had relationships before right ?

Honestly, a low paid job is not going to impact your chances as a woman. As shallow as it is men are more interested in a woman's looks, than her job.

First you need to improve your self esteem & confidence. Having this negative view, will put others off. You may not realise but it shows. How did you come off too strong, what did you do ?

Unless your hugely obese, I don't see being overweight meaning you won't find anyone. Yes it will lessen chances, however many people don't mind or prefer bigger women. However poor confidence will.

If you don't think your worth anything to anyone, then they will catch that vibe off you

However rejection happens to everyone , so one rejection doesn't necessarily mean anything. Try not to take it personally. Just get back out there !

I agree rejection is a part of life and all it means is that the particular person you met isn't for you. It does not mean anything more unless you get some indication there is a fundamental problem with you such as you have dreadful BO! Your personality, salary, appearance are neither here nor there...you just need to meet someone who you click with.

Personally I set my stall out very early on in terms of what I wanted so I don't think this is a bad thing to do.

Maybe your fear of rejection comes across and has scared him off. If you want a
relationship try and work on the things you’re not happy with

Please don't put yourself down like that.

I think you need to work on building a relationship with yourself before dating any further. Get some hobbies, meet new people, see friends and family.

As for this guy who ignored you, just delete and move on. Why let one guy who barely even knows you control how you feel about yourself? Seriously, why would you give a stranger that kind of power over you?

I'm sure you have a lot to offer, however, and I'm going to be blunt here, what is extremely unattractive is neediness and constant putting yourself down. It's exhausting to be with someone who has no confidence in themselves, so work on that before dating as all the normal men will reject you, and you'll be a beacon for controlling, violent psychopaths as you'll already be easy to manipulate and isolate.

One date. You've been on ONE date. So it didn't work out. So what! Go on more dates. You'd have been very lucky if it had all worked out with the first guy you went on a date with.

Try again.
Have fun with it... dating is meant to be good fun!!
Stop talking shit about yourself. There is someone for absolutely everyone i assure you.

Understand some will reject you, others you yourself will reject. Thats how it works.

Xxx