Is commenting on my happiness an excuse?

[Vamoosh80]

So I feel I need a sense check as I'm prone to overthinking.
Married for 12 years together for 22. Two young children. No affairs. Never split in that time. Usual stresses of family life but overall we're doing OK (or I thought we were). Slightly weird behaviour on the odd occasion by DH in last 12 months which I've attributed to him being stressed/ a bit unhappy and turning 40.
Long story short. We had a row last weekend. Nothing huge that triggered it but we'd been drinking and it did escalate. No violence. No history of that at all but we were both unkind with words and went to bed angry. But off the back of it the next day came an outpouring that DH doesn't think we're happy. A lot of focus on him saying he's sure I'm unhappy. Doesn't want me to stay here just for the kids and waste my life. Threw in mentions of divorce. From nowhere.
We talked it through after a couple of days as I was upset by the conversation at first and needed some time to think. We decided the drudgery of life as parents to young kids and full time (demanding) jobs means we've lost the plot a bit. Need to work at it more etc. But he's mentioned again tonight (over a week since we cleared the air) that he thinks I've narrowed my world over the last few years (because my whole time is taken up with the kids and my job) and he thinks I'm unhappy. I know there's nothing sinister going on right now. Is this a genuine concern for me or a lining up of an excuse to start something sinister?! It feels like it's being held over me like some kind of veiled threat.
Anyone experienced this?

Threw in mentions of divorce. From nowhere.

It's never from no where, op. This is The Script.

I've googled the script. Oh god. Really?! Do men literally throw away their families over nothing?!
I'm quite scared now.

Yes, really.

When a partner starts telling you how you apparently think or feel or how you “are” in a negative way, it’s a really important time to ask yourself whether they are saying what they’re saying in a constructive way intended to support your needs and improve the relationship, or in a critical, destructive way that’s meant to get you to question your worth and your desire to be in the relationship.

If he thinks you're unhappy, he could help with doing more housework, giving you time off, planning a holiday, talking about other career options etc. He could invite friends over. Divorce would not be the first go to.

I mean, the unhappy comment seems to be about something else, on the surface.

Cherchez la femme.

Do men literally throw away their families over nothing?!

Rarely. Men who are used to having a wife who does their laundry and provide regular sex rarely leaves for an empty bed.

It sounds like he wants out if this marriage, but doesn’t want to be the one who gets the blame.

I think it's your DH that's unhappy.

He is projecting on to you, so that you can be the one to blame.
Next he will say you are either picking fights, or don't trust him.
I'm really sorry, but this really looks like the script.

He's blaming you. He needs to focus on his feelings and you on yours. He can't tell you how you fee.

I think he’s telling you he’s unhappy by questioning your happiness. For whatever reason, he’s unwilling to be candid about his feelings and ignoring his ambiguous communication doesn’t mean it goes away.

Sounds like he's setting the stage for his exit, all the while blaming you....

Tell him clearly 'DH I am happy, so stop trying to tell me how I feel ! Exactly what is it you're trying to do here by insisting that you know how I feel, and I don't ?'

Don't let him turn everything into your 'fault' by insisting that you're not happy, force him to own up to what's really going on.