Coping after divorce

[Firsttimer11]

Hi,

Long time reader, first time poster who could really use some of your wisdom.

My husband told me when I was 8 months pregnant that he no longer loved me. Having some issues with his mental health and stress of a new business and not feeling loved were the reasons he gave. We were planning to live together till I went back to work but fast forward to baby being 2 months old we had a big fall out and he has moved out to his mums and says he won't be returning.

I have a 2 and a half year old and the newborn and I am completely lost. Trying to get over the emotional side and how to not let it hurt my kids as well as trying to work out where to go next.

He says he can't take over the house on his own and I can't afford to stay here on my own. Is the best idea to sell the house? Do I put my name down for council housing? I don't really have anywhere to go apart from my mums but it would be very cramped.

I am planning to return to work when baby is 9 months so I can start to get some independence from him but am at a loss on the financial side. I have looked on entitled to but the uc amount seems high (nearly 1k a month). I earn around 2.4k a month take home pay 1.7k. Currently 4 days a week and will be paying for 3 days childcare (thinking around £800-900 a month for both not sure how much the 30hrs will reduce but currently pay 580 a month for 3 days for one). Does this uc offer sound high? Will I lose my tax free childcare when I claim uc?

Do you think there would be any chance of getting a mortage as a single parent of 2? Would be looking for houses around 100k with around 10-15k deposit.

Also what kind of maintenance would you suggest I ask for? Gov website recommends around 250. Can I ask for half of the childcare on top? Is that reasonable?

Sorry for the long post. I am just completely lost with it all. Any advice would be most appreciated.

Thanks

I will answer the mortgage one. If you have earnings of that much and a good credit record then I don’t see why not. How much is your house worth and what is the debt on it? Presumably that’s where your deposit would come from?

It does get easier, I promise. I'm 2 years post apocalyptic split when I was early in pregnancy with dc2.

I got a mortgage on a slightly but not much higher than your wage. I had a 15k deposit, house was 130k (I'm in Scotland though).

Sell the house, cut the financial ties. Once finances are sorted you can breathe

Get child contact sorted and set in stone ASAP, then you can work out maintenance and work pattern.

You got this, I promise you do.

Also, I claimed UC for the first time whilst on maternity leave from my job. It was a godsend. I got around 800 a month, plus the free milk prepayment card for healthy foods, plus child benefit. Lived v frugally until I went back to work 4 days when baby was 7 months old.

Thank you so much for these! Made me well up a bit reading those responses seeing that I can make it through. My life feels a bit shit right now but knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel means a lot 💕 Thank you.

That's reassuring to hear thanks. House should get around 105-110k and we have 75k left on mortage.

Sounds doable then. Could you perhaps buy him out and stay there? I’d seek some advice if I were you. Big hugs too. It’s very hard when your emotions are all over the place and you have to think rationally. Be kind to yourself!

Please get some advice from a lawyer. For example you may be entitled to stay in the house and have your h contribute to the mortgage until your children are older.