Friendships - am I really self centred?

[FallenFigs]

I struggle with the subtler side of friendship. In particular I’m worried that I’m too self-centred and rely on friends for emotional support which I can’t or don’t reciprocate.

On the one hand, so much Is said now about being vulnerable and honest with feelings and emotions and not to bottle it up. And everyone is different in terms of how much to share. But how do you know when to stop, when the other person has had enough of your woes?

I’m aware this sounds ridiculous. I’m mid-40s but have started to accept I’m not hugely likeable to most. Lately, I have wondered if this is because I am too ‘me’ focussed. I am aware of this, but also do think it comes from a place of insecurity.

i can see how, if I am too ‘me’ that would prevent others opening up or connecting.

I do have friends, some close friends. But I really do wonder if I take more than I manage to give. And I don’t want to be that way. How can I improve?

Showing an interest in their lives, asking relevant and thoughtful questions, giving them time to talk. Not just waiting to have your say - actually giving the other person a sense of security that you are engaged with what they’re saying and you care. Not interrupting.

Thank you. I’m fairly confident I do most of those things, although from a confidence/self-esteem point of view I struggle to ask lots of questions. I worry about being nosy? Intrusive?

Ask yourself - am I interested in my friends as people, or do I enjoy what they give me - comfort, advice, shoulder to cry on or support.

Do you enjoy giving your time supporting others that you care about? Or do you view it as a duty or or a chore that must be done, something to avoid whenever possible?

I have a tendancy tontrauma dump as i have a lot going on. Im aware of this and have been making a concious effort to rein it in. It must be exusting to listen to sometimes. I really try to ask about family/job and study and ive got a few friends who we have a group chat about books/podcasts we recommend... that helps as I need to make sure Im not just centering my chat about me for my own sake. Its hard but do a bit of self reflecting, we all need to change our ways a bit x