Have you had to accept that you were completely unwanted as a child & how did you do it?

[BoiledFinger]

My dm left for a new man when I was 2, leaving me with df. He found another woman & left me with grandma. Granny couldn't cope & I went into care, she died a year later. The care system was abysmal. Df went into prison at some point & subsequently died. At 62 I still pine that no one ever gave a shit. It's written through me like a stick of rock. I struggle to cope that no-one ever gave a fuck. I was below consideration, a thorn in everyone's side.

If you've had something similar, how did/do you heal your heart & not fall into daily pain?

I’m so sorry you had to deal with this your whole life and I hope someone will come along with some wise words.
be very kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Hello. Aww I am sorry to hear that this is still affecting you so much. How did the rest of life treat you or did it go as you say, like a stick of rock thro your experiences?

I too was unwanted. My mother wanted a boy and got my older sister, then tried again, sure I was a boy, and was bitter that I was a girl. My brother came along 3 years ago. She was horrible and left my father, took us, was horrible to us but loved my sister and brother just not me. She used to shout it in my face etc, awful treatment.

There was no question I was unwanted. My dad even used to say that if he could go back and do his time again, he wouldn't have children. I've been no contact for many year with them all. but low with him recently as he is old and wad the least bad. But he still doesn't want to know.

The way I dealt with it was to get into therapy young and to build back what was lost. I built a relationship with an older couple I used to lodge with and now they ae my family. I also did therapy and got into the old 'design your life' thing, solving my problems, trying to do things I personally thought were cool options, trying to be happy and do what made me happy and fulfilled.

It was only the start. The whole of the rest is what's left. You are not unloveable in any shape or form. Their failures were down to them and you got caught in the cross fire, that's all. The sooner you got out the better, and you are out, and what are you going to make of the rest of your life? That is the only question.

My dm couldn’t cope with me at all, my df basically didn’t want to know us when he met his new partner (second wife) and then my mum met someone new. I remember one time her driving me over to df and saying to him tell her why you don’t want her, why she can’t stay. I remember being stood there at like 7/8 year old and knowing in that moment that neither of my parents wanted me. My mother was pissed she wanted to go out drinking and my father didn’t care at all. I hated her for forcing a relationship with him because she should have left it. Sad part in this is that the only real parent I had was my mums partner at the time, he went to jail and wasn’t exactly law abiding but out of the three of them he was the only parent I knew I had. He died this year and it’s made me feel like I have no one. My dad strangled me and both my parents guilt tripped me into not saying anything so he didnt go to jail and my mum needed her weekends plus she locked me in my bedroom and I had to climb out of the window when I was 8. Which I think is why I was constantly with her partner from then on because I don’t think he trusted leaving me with her cause I only remember being with him when he lived there and wasn’t in jail. I don’t think we really recover from the damage our parents do to us in childhood we just learn what not to do with our own kids. You learn to look for where there was someone who actually cared and stay away from that narcissistic behaviour.

My dad was a Narcissist my mum had emotional age of about 12. She was in and out of Psychiatric care her whole life. It was tough but I finally found peace when I started practicing Buddhism, reading and doing lots of research into Child Emotional Neglect. I can't say it was easy but I am now at peace with myself. I have managed to forgive my parents (both dead). You can heal and be at peace but you have to work hard of yourself to get there.

61.5 years old, my mum did give a shit but had severe mental health issues so I was put into care before I was 1. She was never able to parent, I rarely saw her and sometimes she was scary or didn’t make sense. No one ever explained why, so had a horrible and very confusing time of it and wasn’t lucky enough to find any role models along the way. My grandmother who took no interest in being in contact and my aunt, on the few occasions I saw her, was actively vile. Started my adult life green as grass and literally alone in the world.

A few years ago I accidentally met an uncle who had never been in touch and discovered he was living in the same house as me for months before I was sent away.

Therapy was unheard of back in the day and if there was help transitioning out of care I certainly didn’t receive it.

To the OP and other posters - stand tall, I salute you.