Feel betrayed by colleague

[sabrina1234]

Long story short. One of my colleagues at work has really upset me recently.
So recently I went on holiday abroad and before I went i was getting a weird vibe from her, normally we talk and laugh with each other fine .
However, I feel like she has been using me.
She started working on the unit 3 months after me and in the beginning no one liked her because she was a very slow learner and was seen as rude by many because of her tone sometimes. So I took her under my wing and taught her a lot of things and even helped her get extra work with an agency(we are nurses). And she would often ring me and rant to me about work.

However, as I mentioned before going on annual leave her tone changed and it seemed as though she was avoiding me in a way? Something just felt off. She is from India and her family were supposed to fly down to the UK from India to visit her before I left so I asked her "are you excited for them to come?" And she answered by saying "why do you want to meet them you seem more excited than me" which I was a little taken a back by and couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not but when I looked at her face she was being serious. I just thought this was a very weird thing to say and just didn't seem right.

I brought back some Turkish delight for her from holiday and told her I'll drop it off to her as she is on annual leave and I didn't want the food to go bad, however she kept saying next week, yet next week never came around and I found out she is actually on annual leave for another 2 weeks.

I feel like she has just thrown me to the side and I bought the gift specially for her as she got me something from India the last time she went aswell. But I'm starting to realise she's not the person I thought she was and feel upset and betrayed by her attitude and actions.

I want to bring it up to her but don't know how to approach it, as I don't want it to turn into an argument knowing were going to be working together.

I think you sound a bit intense

I think you never really know what’s going on in people’s lives - and you have to give them space to be themselves. I’d just get on with things, and be there if she wants a chat - and keep out her way if she doesn’t!

Does Turkish Delight go off? I’d just eat it myself if she doesn’t want it!

Just eat your Turkish Delight and take a step back from her.

It sounds like she may have a few things going on in private, possibly relating to why she isn't as excited about her family visiting. She seems to be avoiding social interaction rather than hating on anything that you have done to her, so there's not much to bring up with her really. You'll just cause her to become agitated.

Just give her some space.

I agree you sound a little intense. And possibly patronising...

It sounds like she is putting some boundaries in place. If I'm honest.

I'm not sure I'd be happy if a colleague wanted to take me under their wing or find me extra work or wanted to drop something round at house because I was on annual leave...

I may be wrong, of course, but it sounds a little like you see yourself as her 'benefactor' of sorts and she doesn't like it and so is pushing back a little.

Why are you bothering her when she's on leave? She's your colleague! Leave her alone

I don’t know but my response when I sense people are being cooler with me is to take a step back. Still be perfectly civil when she returns from leave but not as friendly unless she is very friendly to you again. Turkish delight probably keeps good for months but if it doesn’t, eat it.

It actually sounds like she might have spoken to someone about this and this is what they've advised her to do.

I've read several threads on here where people are asking how to defriend someone and putting them off etc rather than actually saying something seems to be a popular choice!

Turn it round. How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of this? Colleagues do help each other out at work but it sounds a little as though the boundaries have become a bit skewed here. She may have brought you something back from India as a token of thanks hoping that would he the end of it. Not intending for it to become a 'thing'.

Did she actually need you to help her 'learn lots of things'?

She used you to get onside at work, she doesn’t need you anymore so is trying to put you off the friendship. She’s not your friend, move on.

Maybe she's stressing about her family coming/being over

'Betrayed' is a very strong word for someone taking their own annual leave.

I thought you meant she'd stitched you up or gone over your head to management or something.

Take a step back and chill out. Perhaps she is trying to distance herself a bit as you do seem to have appointed yourself her 'guardian' (I'm sure you were trying to be helpful but perhaps she has settled in now and can look after herself).

I'm not sure she's done anything wrong here.

I guess she isn’t your friend now that she has what she needed from you. Some people are like that 🤷‍♀️
Eat the Turkish Delight and watch your back.

Sounds like she is backing off. No matter what the reason, respect that and move on. She may have other things going on which she does not want to share and stressed about the family visiting.

This all seems a little heavy op. Like you’re very reliant on her and her friendship. If I was you I’d try to calm down as I suspect it’s too much for her now.

Dropping Turkish delight off at a colleagues house whilst they are on annual leave is really over the top. It surely doesn’t go off that quickly?

The comment she made to you about her family was odd, but context is everything, perhaps you had been going on and on about it and she was fed up of being asked about them?

I don’t think she has done anything, she certainly hasn’t betrayed you, that language is very excessive.

I'm afraid you do sound a bit over the top regarding the turkish delight. Turjlish delight isn't going to go off in 2 or 3 weeks, so why the need to take it to her? It feels as though you really wanted to see her. Is that how you would normally be, or do you think you were worrying about her being 'off' with you before your holiday, and you wanted to see her to check everything was OK? Whatever reason, it's perfectly reasonable for her to say she'll wait til she's back at work. If I'd said that and then my colleague had insisted on coming to my house I'd feel it was a bit odd.

That day she was off with you - perhaps she was stressed, or how lots on her mind, or perhaps you'd already asked her that same question several times and it felt too intense for her.

I don't see any betrayal here at all. She hasn't done anything wrong except perhaps snapping at you that once. She doesn't owe you anything. Perhaps you'd hoped that as you were more helpful than most people she would become a close friend, and she doesn't see it that way? Maybe she doesn't need more friends or isn't a very sociable person.

This is weird. Why are you framing it this way? You could read it "Someone starts work at a new place, is taken under someone's wing, no one else really likes them because they offish and rude, they are then offish and rude to the person who befriended them."

Just sounds like she doesn't want to be mates with people at work. Eat the turkish delight yourself.