"It's because you're on your own"

[badslithery]

I feel guilty writing this but I'm afraid I'm going to snap at my mum and I don't want to.

The thing is she's so negative about me being a single parent constantly and it makes me feel like shit. For instance the council was supposed to be fitting heating into the house and they didnt turn up so my mum started saying how it was all because I was "on my own" and they know they can get away with it because there is no man here etc etc... I tried telling her that the council were generally just unreliable but she replied "no, its because you're on your own".

Same with tax credits "they're messing you around because they know you're on your own and won't say anything. I asked her how numerous phonecalls and 2 complaint letters were "not saying anything" so she said "I know you've complained and that but if you wasnt on your own they wouldve sorted it out" it makes me so mad.

The latest one was "don't tell them at your job interview that you're on your own with kids because they might think you can't do the job properly..."

She just seems so old fashioned about it and when we're on about other single parents she says stuff like "she wants to be careful or they'll put her in an unmarried mothers home..."

I wouldn't mind but she was a single parent for most of my childhood.

dont feel guilty, this is what Mumsnet is for. and its hard being a single parent anyway let alone dealing with other peoples comments.

it does sound to me like she's projecting the difficulties she had as a single parent on to you.

can you sit her down and talk to her, let her know it upsets you? maybe along the lines of... im a single parent, thats the way it is, there are lots of single parents and not everything bad or difficult that happens is because of that.

im sure she's just concerned for you really. being a single parent in her day was probably a big (or bigger deal) than now.

my dad brought me up on his own and if he'd been alive still i bet he would have been the same about my situation !

Oh dear - I think the fact that she was "on her own" too has clearly given her lots of issues. It does sound like a generational thing tbh, but I sympathise - it must be really annoying.

If it makes you feel any better, you are 100% right - my dh and I have had a nightmare with tax credits, and he phones them more than I do.... also with council/tradesmen etc they do tend to be pretty unreliable even when they get dh phoning them and reading the riot act.

Worth reminding her that it is illegal for potential employers even to ask you any questions about your personal circumstances in an interview.

I know you said you don't want to snap at her but is it worth trying to have a talk with her about how it makes you feel?