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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trust/love

7 replies

Finchy12 · 22/06/2022 10:18

So… I've been married to my wife for seven years. and father two lovely girls.
She is an ethnic European.
just before our anniversary of marriage.
She made the decision to prolong our family vacation and stay behind with the girls for a few more weeks.
On the occasion of our wedding anniversary, she organised a night out with her girlfriends, inviting a male friend as well.

We didn't talk much, but I trusted her, and she sent me pictures of herself with this man. A little Prerogative.

I gave one of her friends my gifts for our anniversary, and she gave them to her. Nothing from my wife.

I asked her a few questions about the photo the following day. She became very combative, but I didn't push.

The subject came up when she got home.
You don't trust, she remarked.
Which I did. but thought her behaviour was a touch disrespectful.
It turns out that she deleted all of the correspondence with this man. Additionally, every image, even those in the recently deleted folder.

She said that nothing had happened and she was suffering from post natal depression.
And It was all a ruse to get my attention.

My issue is that I have that gut feeling she was unfaithful.
She understands how I feel because we talked about it.
I never had trust issues before this occurrence, but now I can't stop thinking about it.

I feel like it's hurting our marriage and makes me feel insecure

She would return home if I left her, I would no longer have regular access to my daughters.

She offered to perform a lie detector but never scheduled one.

But I'm really unsure of what to do or where to go from here.

Any advice would be much appreciated ?

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 22/06/2022 10:27

So sorry OP, this sounds very sad.

Is she still abroad with your DC? I think she needs to come home ASAP so you can talk things through. Maybe marriage counselling would help?

Finchy12 · 22/06/2022 15:12

She is back and it was about a year ago. But I just can’t get passed it.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/06/2022 15:20

What do you need? What do you want?

Finchy12 · 22/06/2022 15:56

I would like to leave, but losing my children to another country is a hard Decision.
if we divorced she would end up mortgage free from our assets.
i feel like she has my balls in a vice.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/06/2022 16:40

Finchy12 · 22/06/2022 15:56

I would like to leave, but losing my children to another country is a hard Decision.
if we divorced she would end up mortgage free from our assets.
i feel like she has my balls in a vice.

OK. That sounds utterly torturous (both the situation and the analogy)

But I'd post another thread if I were you. It looks like you're seeking emotional help on how to fix up your marriage, but that's not what you want. I'm sure there'll be people on here with knowledge about custody issues like yours, but they may well not respond to a thread entitled 'Trust/love'.

Good luck. And you don't have trust issues. At best, she played with your trust - she's admitted that. And that breaks trust. So it's not that 'You have trust issues', which makes you sound faulty. It's that 'She broke your trust' so now, you don't trust her.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 22/06/2022 17:31

Op, you need to get legal advice. You can prevent her from removing the children from this country but you need to do that legally.

Finchy12 · 25/06/2022 20:00

You can but only for a small fortune and a short period of time. I did have legal advice

OP posts:
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