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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there too much water under the bridge?

6 replies

Corinarasoo · 21/06/2022 23:17

Really need some advice!! This is a long story so good luck keeping up. Basically me and my partner (now ex) had been together for 5 and a half years. We have a 4 year old son and bought our first house last year. We always had small arguments but nothing to worry about and we both knew we was both in love. Once we moved into this house after 1 month we started arguing constantly over absolutely anything. I could open my eyes first thing in a morning and my ex would raise his voice at me because of something small like he can’t find his socks or something . We argued over money a lot, like who bought what and where all of our money had disappeared to (which was mostly on the house). I would get moody a lot with my ex when he would go out as I felt like he was constantly out with his friends but if I asked him to go out he would make some sort of excuse to not spend time with me, ie gym, work, football etc. Anyway we decided to take a break from each other as things were so bad and sleep in separate rooms. We didn’t have any physical touching or cuddling or anything for a while. Long story short I ended up spending more time with my friends which I rarely ever did, doing out clubbing etc. I ended up meeting this guy and we hit it off, and I saw him a number of times for a couple of months. I never told my ex as I knew it would really hurt him and I felt so bad, but at the same time I was just so exhausted from our arguments and being short of money. My ex ended up finding out by going through my phone when I was in the shower…. He saw all the messages between me and this guy. The guy didn’t actually mean anything to me, just I think looking back he was a distraction for me. My ex became quite aggressive, he pushed me about a couple of times and would shout at me. I completely understand he was hurt, and he has said before when we’ve spoke about this that he was giving me space before and hoped we would reconcile. Since then he’s moved out and it’s been 1 month. He is now being nice to me and told me on the phone how he really regrets all the times he didn’t spend time with me or when he called me names, and blamed himself for me going off with the other guy. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking when I went off with the other guy cos that’s not like me at all, and I genuinely regret it. My ex told me on the phone today that if he could pick anyone in the world it would always be me. I didn’t say anything in the phone, just kept it friendly. Now I am thinking is it too late to try again? Do you think there’s too much water under the bridge now? WHERE DONI GO FROM HERE?!

OP posts:
BluebellField · 21/06/2022 23:28

Cheesy but people say you never know what you had until you lose it. Seems like this is the case for your ex partner. He didn't appreciate you enough when you were together and now misses you.

Saying that though, there's no excuse for you cheating on him and you know that.

Why do you think it would be different if you were to get back together? You should only consider it if there is a desire and effort on both sides to value each other and to avoid the petty arguments. You don't want it to end up the same way again I'm sure.

browniesandcakes · 21/06/2022 23:32

Try again for your child's sake?

Watchkeys · 21/06/2022 23:33

Stay away from him. He's abusive, including physical abuse.

www.verywellhealth.com/cycle-of-abuse-5210940

Him being nice to you is referred to as the reconciliation phase. It's part of the abuse.

Spend some time working out what's happening with you, that would make you consider returning to such a volatile relationship. But don't go back. It will be just the same again.

Watchkeys · 21/06/2022 23:35

browniesandcakes · 21/06/2022 23:32

Try again for your child's sake?

What? Did you not see this:

My ex became quite aggressive, he pushed me about a couple of times and would shout at me

You think that's what a child should be witnessing as it grows up? The man is abusive. Physically abusive.

dotdotdotdash · 21/06/2022 23:38

You argue all the time. You are not compatible. Find someone you can live with peacefully. End of.

tararabumdeay · 21/06/2022 23:39

Nah, he'll just hang about because you're the best bet for now. You're better than that.

My one used to push me about, leave me, not listen, treat me like shit. He's still here because he's a stupid little man with nothing (not even work) to offer. Grade one scrounger.

I wish Mumsnet was about the first time he pushed me into the wall.

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