Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Close friend..not so close as I thought

6 replies

denbigh · 21/06/2022 22:34

I've been friends with *Sally since we were 16, we have been very tight apart from a break 15 years ago when I was in a toxic relationship.. I had a falling out with her, she had lied about something and I did take it further than I needed to.
We repaired the relationship 7 years later, since then I have tried very hard to gain the trust and respect we had previously..
During this time she was seeing someone, she never disclosed any details, I respected this, after about 2 years they broke up, apparently they had got engaged in that 2 year time but I didn't know.
5 years later, we have been consistently in each other's lives, she has a significant other, by all accounts it's been going on for some time, recently it was her birthday and I asked what she was doing, a few times, she never replied with an answer, she told me last week she had gone away with this person, and seemed surprised I didn't know, despite her evasive answers to my questions re what she was doing.
I don't know why she chooses to hide her relationships from me, it upsets me a little, esp as everyone else seems to be fully aware. I don't know what to think.. part of me feels she hasn't forgiven me for falling out with her, which is totally her prerogative.. but, given the huge efforts I make, and her platitudes about how I am her special friend..practically family etc etc.. I feel a bit, like I need to withdraw, I feel all in.. I don't think she does, its basically longevity that keeps this relationship going, I've no idea why she would hide the fact she in a significant relationship from me, but I accept that is her decision. The closeness I thought isn't there is it?

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 21/06/2022 22:37

Have you never asked her?

Like 'So, Sally, when can I meet your other half, it would be great to get to know them?'

Watchkeys · 21/06/2022 22:39

Why is she having to forgive you after she lied?

Friendships aren't meant to be hard work. You're not obliged to keep her in your life. If you're not enjoying what she offers you, pull away.

11Hawkins · 21/06/2022 22:39

I'd say she sees you as an accquitance not as a friend.

Catlover1970 · 22/06/2022 03:08

I’m just wondering how you can have a tight friendship when she is hiding her relationships from you???? Surely an engagement is a big thing in her life as are subsequent partners and you’re not privy to any of it??

KohlaParasaurus · 22/06/2022 03:15

Have you any evidence that these secretive "relationships" are real?

denbigh · 22/06/2022 13:32

Yea, they are real and yes friendships shouldn't have to be so hard.. and @11Hawkins you arepossibly right, she does see me as an acquaintance...long standing but not close.. thanks, I will pull back, doubt she will notice, it's the right thing to do for me

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread