So upset but should I stick to my decision

[AilisAxx]

Hey everyone. I need a bit of advice please xx I recently started a new relationship about 7 months ago, I’m 45 and he is almost 50. We’ve both just got out of long unhappy relationships so are enjoying our time together. Most of the time it’s been fantastic but he does this thing that really makes me feel like he just wants a good time and maybe just used me as an excuse to leave his unhappy relationship. A few times we have planned to do stuff together eg go out for the day or go to dinner or just meet up for a walk and a coffee (we don’t live together as i have a young child and don’t want to bring someone new into her life so soon) anyway on about 4 or 5 occasions he has gone out with mates the night before we are due to do something we had planned, which is absolutely fine, but he’s gotten so drunk that he crashes at a friends house (please bare in mind again he is almost 50 years old) and gets up the following morning and goes straight to the pub with the same friends which means we can’t do what we had planned on doing that day. It’s really really annoying and it makes me so mad that he would deliberately do this knowing how upset it will make me so today I just said right I’ve had enough and I finished with him. This isn’t the kind of life I want. I don’t want to be with someone who basically isn’t afraid to upset me or to lose me even?? I have heard from him since, some drunken messages and that sort of rubbish but I stuck to my decision. However I know I’m going to miss him so so so much because apart from those 4 or 5 occasions the past 7 months have been amazing. Was I too hasty and maybe a bit jealous that he put his mates before me or was I right and should I stick to my decision? I think he needs to grow up or are most men like this???? My ex husband wasn’t - he hadnt a lot of friends and he rarely went out. Anyone can offer a bit of advice thank you in advance xxx😊

You have done the rightthink because he has no respect for oyu.

Making plans with someone and then cancelling them is rude and disrespectful.

It might only be a few times but you are in the honey moon phase where he will really want to make an effort. As this will wear off, youll see more and more of this behaviour!

Another aspect of this is how little he values your time. As a single mum new to the dating world it would absolutely infuriate me when men tried to change plans at the last minute. Usually childcare arragements are set in stone and difficult to rearrange. When I had 1 childfree night or day a fortnight, I certainly didn't put up with anyone who messed me about. Nothing worse that looking forward to something then having a "do you mind if we raincheck" message when it's too late to arrange something else, which doesn't even occur to them might be an issue with their 12 out of 14 childfree days/nights.

Yes, I could have an evening with a glass of wine and paint my nails in peace, but when you're looking forward to actually leaving the house and have some adult company it wears thin very quickly.

Yeah that's not cool and it's a regular occurrence. He should value your time and look forward to seeing you enough to either not go on these 2 day sessions or at the least, arrange your dates more wisely. I wouldn't find that behaviour attractive.

My love, you’re disappointed and damned right to feel like this

but this is all it is, not heartbreaking, it’s boundaries you’re building. You’re learning about where your red lines are

if he’s like this now, imagine when he thinks you’re hooked and too invested to end things?

imagine how bad it would be to have him move in and come crashing home in that state?

feel the disappointment, reminding yourself that You are valuable and worth more than being blown out for mates and booze, and then let it go. Move on.

you will grow from this.

have faith. What is due to you will come your way. So it’s best to keep the path clear from people who are disappointments.

Stick to your decision. He blows you off so he can get pissed with his 'mates' on repeated occasions. You are not a priority in his life at all.

And well done for not introducing him to your DC. Seven months is nothing. You should both still be in the honeymoon phase.

Just focus on you and DC for a bit.

You've made the right decision.

You made the right decision. It would be different if he just went out and was a bit hungover for your dates.

But to go out, then choose the pub the next day over your date is really disrespectful. He needs to grow up and learn to respect people. Especially other parents who are likely to have little free time so even less to waste on last minute cancellations.

I would hold out for a man who genuinely wants a future with you. Who can commit and is mature enough not to fall into another rubbish relationship again.

I wouldn't question your decision for a second. You can't trust him to make plans because he'll no doubt go to the pub and get drunk instead. Rude, self centered and selfish. Ridiculous behaviour from a 50 year old man. Wouldn't tolerate it.

This isn’t the kind of life I want.

See, OP, you already put it perfectly.

I have two things to tell you:

1. you did the right thing
2. kudos to you for nipping this in the bud

Too many women accept things like these and struggle for years, sometimes for ever never finding courage to end it. I am very impressed with you. Great job OP! 👏

This is happening once a month. Way too often, but even more so in the honeymoon phase. It will only get worse as he gets more comfortable.