Too much too soon?

[Unsure56789]

Matched with someone on a dating app a couple of weeks ago and we have hit it off. Messaging a lot so excited to see what might happen but haven’t her been able to meet due holidays and commmitments. He’s already invited me to a couple of events over the next few months (for some music things we are interested in) as he already has spare tickets. I guess this is obviously also contingent on us getting on when we do meet! He has also suggested the prospect of a weekend trip somewhere nearby which is like happen a month after meeting. I can’t go anyway and he has joked about me not being free when he suggests things; in his support, he has just moved down to my area and is obviously trying to get plans in the diary... But this is all a bit too much too soon for me and I don’t know whether to count it as a red flag?! I have been comfortable saying no but it seems a bit intense considering we’ve not met yet (!) which doesn’t bode well with my anxiety sadly

Why not express that to him instead of us here.

If his reaction is bad then it wasn't meant to be. If good then he is understanding and he is listening.

Better to find out now how he reacts. Have you spoken on the phone?

Does he have friends in the area, he might be lonely and putting all his eggs in one basket I.e you.

Far too intense for someone you have not met yet. Run.

No he hasn’t yet met friends in the area so this may be why!

I would normally think it was too weird but I’ve enjoyed our chats and looking forward to meeting. As I say I’ve pushed back on some the plans as I’m busy regardless but yeah can’t work out why is he not out there meeting people and instead messaging me

Just be open about how you feel. What's the worst that can happen. He realises and chills out a bit or had a tantrum because his ego is bruised.

He's throwing himself into you at the moment because it sounds like he doesn't have much else.

I'd find this a bit weird too, you both don't know if you fancy each other or if there's a spark yet. Why not just say to him 'that sounds good but let's have a Coffee and a few dates first and see how we get on before booking things in the diary'

I think it’s too much. I would emphasise “let’s just meet first and see how we get on” and not commit to anything else.

Yeah ^^

Last two posts.

Yeah, he's 'projecting' a 'relationship' future with someone he hasn't even met yet, so a big red flag from me !

Just tell him ' Let's wait and see if we even like each other first before we go making future plans for the future, OK ?'

And if he spouts crap like 'But I already know I like you !' then you know he's just 'future faking' already.

He's future faking by the sounds of it . I wouldn't meet him op.

But this is all a bit too much too soon for me and I don’t know whether to count it as a red flag

Red flags aren't things people do, it's a feeling you get. There are universal actions that cause the feeling (any kind of abuse causes it), but it's the feeling you need to take notice of, not whether the behaviour is on the 'red flag' list. There will be times you get the 'red flag' feeling even when the other person hasn't done anything wrong, and they've done something, instead, that you, personally, don't like.

You don't ask 'Is this a red flag?' unless you have the red flag feeling, and are wondering whether or not to minimise your feeling, so if you're asking 'Is this a red flag?', it always will be, for you, regardless of the behaviour.

In short, healthy relationships don't spark this question.

Agree that its all nonsense until you meet. I once spoke loads to a guy, plenty of texting, shared silly pics of my garden etc and really thought there was a connection. Met him and within 3 seconds i just knew we didnt click in real life. Ended up going for a walk and the whole time i'm just thinking nope, not for me. he was really invested and talking about other dates. It was cringey. My usual test was if i got back in my car and wasnt excited at the prospect of seeing him again then nope. I text him and explained i didnt feel any connection and i did feel awful as i probably did overshare before meeting. It was a good learning experience tho and i didnt do that ever again! Next dates with others i just kept it very casual and didnt get too far ahead. i then met my DP and even before our first meeting i mentioned that we'll just have to see how we get on, i set the expectations with him.

A couple of weeks?? Yep, too much too soon. One step at a time and you're quite right not to commit to anything beyond an initial coffee. His need for future plans are his own problem. You might well not even like him in person.

Tbh yes, as everyone says.

The secret is to meet early on and see how you feel. Any building up needs to be checked. In your case now, I'd meet him quickly to see.

Yes, it's all too much until you've established whether you 'click' or not. Has a simple coffee date been suggested? Surely, if you are in the same area, it's feasible to meet up for just an hour or two? Just to find out if you even like each other in real life.

The music events - not too bad. The weekend away - no way. Way too much. Has he no sense of how that might appear to a woman who hasn't even met him yet?