Moving in with new partner

[M2021]

I separated from my daughters father when I was 4 months pregnant, she is now 1.5 and I have been seeing someone new for 6 months (only person since separating from her father). Obviously I am not ready to move in with him yet, but I feel having such a young daughter will put him off moving in with us when the time comes.

Has anyone else been in this situation, if so, how did it pan out?

Have you talked to him about it? If it puts him off then surely he's not for you?

Think it’s a bit early thinking or talking about this you will probably scare him off if you mention moving in after 6m 😳 most people haven’t even introduced their kid to someone yet at 6m

You’ll have to ask him. But I wouldn’t jump the gun, it’s very very early days.

It’s not so much planning to move in together, I haven’t spoken to him about it. I’m just worried about getting say 3 years into a relationship and then realising that someone doesn’t want to move in with someone else’s child and being stuck. I’m asking about peoples experiences with this. Not even specifically for this relationship I guess just in general as dating with a child is all new to me and I just am conscious that it’s going to be much different

I wouldn’t even mention it yet unless you want him to run a mile!

I haven’t spoken with him about it, I don’t want to put him off by mentioning it too soon. I’m not planning to move in with someone any time soon, I guess I’m just looking for peoples stories to see how it has worked for other people

I just wonder why you want to or think you have to move in with him?

Why can't you keep your space, your independence. From my experience of someone who was a step dad to 2 kids, it's not easy and my experience was not good.

I would never do it again or put someone in that situation. I'll raise my own kids thanks (which I'm doing)

My view is that if he is serious about the relationship, he has already assumed there will be a baby in his life and is prepared to take the challenge BUT if after six months it is not properly clear he sees you as a keeper it is best to move on asap.

This is why it needs discussing now, its better for him to leave now than in the next year or so.

I don't understand why, when someone says 'I don't know how my partner feels about this', the answer can be anything other than 'Ask them.'

If you're worrying about it, and talking about it puts him off you, then you're simply not on the same page, and it's better to know now than later. You don't not talk about an issue because you think your concerns will end your relationship. If you think your concerns might end your relationship, that's why you need to talk about them.

Just ask him, OP. Ask him about how he sees the future of your relationship, when he'd like to consider moving in together, what his preferred timescales look like. As him how he feels, rather than presenting your fears to him.

Tbh, I'd also bring it up now. I've always been open with men early on that I had no intention of marrying or co-habiting (because of my children) because, if that is what they were looking for, then they weren't going to find it with me.

That just seems sensible. Someone who isn't mature enough to understand that a theoretical conversation about the future isn't the same as changing your ringtone to Here Comes The Bride isn't mature enough to be in a relationship with someone with child.

My 2nd husband was quite happy to live with my 2 children (then under 10) and myself.

My current partner (2nd DH died) would be equally as happy to live together, albeit my eldest is now at uni.

My having children didn't put either of them off - just my 1st H, who was their dad!

IS their dad that should say.

When I’d been with dp about 3 or 4 months we had a conversation about what we wanted from a relationship. (We’d already had the exclusive relationship on about the 3rd date and agreed to take each date as it comes and have fun getting to know each other.)

So the 3 or 4 month conversation was a general conversation more about our ideal relationship, I said I didn’t want a stepfather for my girls, didn’t ever see myself getting married or buying property with someone but wanted love and commitment rather than a fwb arrangement. Had he wanted marriage and dc this would’ve been the time to split but he was largely happy. So I introduced him to dc a few weeks later with the agreement that again we’d see where things go.

That was nearly 3 years ago and things have worked out. We are intending to move in together in about a year. We’ve taken things slowly because of my dc and obviously we were apart in the lockdowns.

Anyway my point Is it’s ok to
have a very general conversation about what you both want in life and then slowly let things progress. You might find he wants to work abroad, start a business, study, buy a flat or do all sorts of things that make the relationship non viable and it’s good to understand those before you potentially waste years finding them out.