My relationship is over … i am frightened of being alone

[Lj199024]

Basically I know my relationship is over. I am not happy. There is no sex, no attention. We are more friends than anything else. He hasn’t particularly done anything “wrong”. I just know I am not happy.

Early on in the relationship he did some inappropriate things and I have never managed to regain trust, even 6 years on. (We have been together 8 years)

basically I just want to know there is hope. I know the relationship needs to end as I am truly not happy. However I am really scared and worried about being a single mum. I am 31, I have 3 children 10, 7 and 2. Any positive stories?

I'm in same position, stupidly gave it a second go after we had split up for a while. Don't bottle up your feelings, you'll probably find you'll enjoy/need that time to be on your own. And children know when parents are unhappy. It's better to have 2 happy homes than 1 that's filled with tension and resentment

Thank you for your reply @ButterFlyGirl19961 . I also gave it a 2nd go. I think it’s more fear or being alone (I’ve never really been alone) and the fact of the disruption for the kids. It’s hard because I really don’t want to upset anyone and I don’t want to be seen as the “bad person” but I cannot continue this way. You are completely right. Do you see your situation changing?

Be alone. Better alone and happy. Honestly, the sun will come out x

@Lj199024 you can split and be kind to each other, that's still being a good person, do you anticipate any bad reaction when you tell him? Is that what's holding you back?

@MissSmiley i think it’s just the thought of being seen as the person who’s split up the family to be honest. And I really don’t want to upset him but I cannot see myself just putting up with being unhappy for the sake of the kids.

i also have never really been single before, and not with kids either, so I am worried about that also. But to be honest I feel like a single partner now anyways and super lonely, so I guess nothing much would change.

I have spoken to him about it and he says we are fine and he is happy. He is quick to change the subject and I think he hopes I will “get over it” because I have had this conversations many times with him.

@Lj199024 that's exactly how things were with me, I waited 6 years for him to agree which was far too long, it's been five and half years now since we split and we're still amicable and both have new partners, it was the best decision for both of us but he was never going to be the one to make it, he had it too easy before. Kids are age 12-19 now and all live with me but see their dad most days. I had a big cancer operation earlier this year and it makes you realise life is too short to be unhappy

@MissSmiley thank you for that. Yeah I think to myself “well of course you are happy” he is a good financial provider but not much else. And doesn’t do anything with the children or me as a family.

sorry to hear about your cancer operation. My mum has also been recently diagnosed and I think that has put a lot of things into perspective for me. Xx