Friend - I'm Hurt. What do I do now?

[HotSauceCommittee]

I've had a very good friend on the same road as me for some years. She always seemed a bit busier than me (although we both have kids and work FT) so I'd help her out by babysitting, getting her some shopping when I got mine etc. This was all fine, didn't put me out.
Anyway, I have had the most horrendous year and a couple of months off work on my knees with poor MH, meaning I am far less robust now, although I am back at work.
We text now and then and I got a "how are you?..." chatty type text from friend a month ago. I replied that I was back at work but my son was acting up and I was really down about it.
I heard nothing back from her until this evening when she sent me another normal chatty text asking to meet up.
When I sent the initial text, I was very down and it hurt when she didn't respond. I didn't expect her to do anything, just maybe a nice message back, but after she didn't, I left it.
It's opened my eyes to how she can just forget about me for a month and ignore a sad text from me. I'm really hurt and I just don't know how to get past it. I can't happily be friendly as if nothing has happened.
What would you do? If you said something what would you say? Text isn't the medium for saying , "Look friend, you really hurt my feelings"
She is a good friend, but all this has just made me realise that I fit in around her a lot more that she fits in around me and my life. She's lovely, I miss her, but I feel like shit.

I think you have to decide if you want to be friends while accepting she’s probably less invested than you, or drop her because she’s not responsive to your needs ( at least on this occasion?)

Some people can be great fun but not good with problems. When things go wrong it can be painfully obvious. If you have other people who can support you maybe look to them instead? Even online groups can be very nurturing and supportive.

In your shoes I’d learn from this and carry on with the friendship but with more caution. Only you can know if that’s best for you.

And stop doing her bloody shopping!

For some people at some point it becomes too much and they don’t know how to help, is this the first time you’ve told her? Or do you know what’s going on with her? Her issues?

Sometimes I get a text and completely forgot to reply due to just being on way out or cooking or something and then I see it a week or so later. I’d personally give her the benefit of the doubt if she is a good friend

You hit all that from one text. I forget to reply to my friends all the time but because I don't care but because my kids are being absolute nightmares!!

Maybe she has a lot going on at that time and you were too much for her?

I understand you're hurt and going through a tough time with your mh, but - and I mean this kindly- I think you're overreacting.

I agree with pp who say this may have been completely unintentional. It can be very difficult sometimes to know how to respond to people who are struggling with mh, especially when you don't think anything you say will make a difference.

And as others say, she may not have been able to be your shoulder to cry on at that time.

Likewise, she her failure to acknowledge it now may be down to being uncomfortable that she neglected it before.

If she's otherwise a good friend, I'd try and let this go.

I think I see where u r coming from. When she's been struggling a bit you've helped out in small ways. These things didn't put you out but at the same time must have added an extra bit of work to your day. You did what you did cheerfully as a good friend would. However maybe you feel when you needed a bit of emotional or other support she wasn't there for you. When she didn't reply to your text saying you were feeling down maybe it felt to you as though she was only asking to try and find out if you were feeling recovered enough to help her again. When you said that you were still struggling she wasn't interested in you because there was nothing in it for her.

Not sure she is a good friend if you have helped her in the past yet she made no effort to reciprocate when the boot was on the other food. As a previous poster has said, it seems that you are more invested in the friendship than she is.
If you are happy with the friendship on this level continue it, if not let it slide. I wouldn't confront her or complain. I would simply resume the friendship but without any offers of help on your part. If this type of friendship doesn't interest her and she drops you it will be obvious that she valued your help more than the friendship. If she keeps the friendship going make sure it is on an equal footing 💐

Thanks all. I will step back from her and just be friendly.
I probably am overreacting, because I've had my issues. I know she has her own things going on.
It's made me realise, now I'm "better" in that I'm back at work, how much less emotionally robust I am.
Thanks for your kind replies.

Some friendships are built on a power imbalance: you do little errands and favours for me and in return you are blessed with my effervescent presence once a week. But the favours are never returned. I have let go these people from my life and prefer the calmer more reliable friends who are on an equal basis with me. You might still enjoy seeing her for a drink once a month or so, but don;t do favours for her any more.

I just don't know how to get past it

Then do nothing. Doing nothing is often the best option when you're not sure what to do. If she spends the next 3 weeks chasing you and desperately trying to check that you're ok, you'll feel one way. If she leaves it at that, you'll feel another.

Wait until a path forward is shown to you, through your own emotions. There's no pressure to do anything at all right now, especially given that she's fine with texts not being answered for weeks.