dh & i have been going to relate for approximately 3m now. dh has found it quite helpful. i on the other hand have found it has made things worse. part of the problem for me is some of the behaviour/comments from the counsellor herself and i would like to hear mumsnetters' opinions on whether this sounds reasonable/appropriate/professional.
(1) i do not feel our sessions are well facilitated. too often they degenerate into rows and the counsellor makes little effort to diffuse the tension. i am frequently "ambushed" in the sessions by dh - this is unchallenged by the counsellor, e.g. dh said in our last joint session that he wishes we had never got married - counsellor left this statement unexplored - for me it was like a nuclear bomb going off!
(2) focus is totally on what i understand is psychodynamic therapy - how the past influences present behaviours. we are told that it will be a long and painful process - and that's it. i was expecting more "handy hints" and exercises to help us cope outside the sessions.
(3) i feel the counsellor has totally bought in to dh's view of our marriage and its problems, i.e. it's all my fault. not surprisingly, i don't agree! i feel that my issues with the marriage are not being explored.
(4) counsellor has told me off on more than one occasion, that i am too angry and hostile. i think this is inappropriate - surely the sessions are places where uncomfortable difficult emotions can be explored?
(5) counsellor has told me on more than one occasion how what i say makes her feel. surely her feelings are irrelevant?
(6) told me yesterday that dh and i were like arguing toddlers! now this may well be true but i don't feel this is a helpful, constructive, professional way of describing the situation.
i have already decided to find another counsellor but i wondered whether my experience is normal and whether i should expect more of the same or whether she is just hopelessly mismanaging me?
TIA