The joke regarding my hobby is wearing thin

[JackSparrowsMrs]

I split with my DD's dad around 5 years ago and 3 years ago I met another man. We took it very slowly, saw each other once a week when DD was at her dad's etc then it increased to cinema on week nights and after 6 months or so I introduced him to DD and they got on great.

One thing I'd never told him was that I'd been doing martial arts since I was around 12 years old. It wasn't that I wanted to keep it a secret, I just know that alot of men take the piss out of women doing stuff like that and I'm rather "touchy" about it so thought it best not to mention it at first.

Anyway we discussed moving in together and as we talked more intimately etc I got around to mentioning the martial arts and how much it means to me. Its been a huge part of my life all these years and will continue to be so. At first he seemed really impressed and asked lots of questions which was a relief but then he started going on about it constantly..."oh I better not say that, you might karate chop me" or "I've told the lads at work I'm going to set you onto them"... "If I say no will you kick me in?" etc etc...it was always said in a jokey way but it was constantly and it really started to feel like he was taking the piss.

In the end I told him to stop going on about it as it made me feel uncomfortable so to my suprise he stopped mentioning it but now, after we've moved in together he constantly tries to "attack" me...in a mock way of course, never violent but again its constant, he'll grab me while I'm making dinner, go to punch me as I'm getting dressed etc. It was suggested to me that the martial arts intrigued him and he might want to join so I suggested that since he enjoyed attacked me so much he should join the class with me and DD...he laughed it off but continues with this constant "bet ya cant block this...smacK!" behaviour.

I'm getting really tired of it and it just makes him so irritating and babyish. Am I being grumpy/touchy? any insight as to why he's doing this?

Just kick his arse good and proper next time her tries it. I mean seriously humiliate him. That way he might think twice before he mock-attaks you again.

My dh does this to me sometimes. I'm a kickboxer and can be in the kitchen making tea and he will come and try and kick/hit me to see if I block him in time. I just block him and then whack him. Keep hitting him hard enough and he'll stop!

sounds like he might be bit intimidated by your martial arts?..
and a tad unaware of when the 'joke' is wearing thin

i would be proud of your skills and it must come as quite a shock to find out an important part of someone's life suddenly when you have taken things slowly
am surprised you never mentioned it before, even having to get to classes or an acheivement reached when he was on the scene

maybe he wonders what else he doesnt know?

try and reverse it i suppose, what if you now found out he had something kept 'under wraps'..it might knock you off kilter i suppose...

maybe he's watched too much Kill Bill and a bit nervous?

I could probably witter on for a while about how it maybe makes him feel emasculated/ threatens his manhood on some subliminal level knowing that you could whup his ass anytime you like...but actually...he just sounds like a nob-end It must be like living with Cato.

If he's OK in all other areas then I would sit him down (again) and explain (again) how incredibly irritating his behaviour is. And no, fwiw, I don't think you're being grumpy or touchy.

Perhaps he is feeling threatened by your interest/proficiency in something so, well, traditionally male/fight related, (sorry can't think how to phrase it!) or a bit emasculated?

Also possibly he feels threatened by your guardedness about it.

I expect his mates had a laugh as they probably are used to paking the piss when faced with a woman who can do that kind of thing - also due to feeling threatened - and he is wondering if he should be so supportive as he has been, because his mates an't understand it?

Rambling sorry but iyswim?

Sorry x posted there, god I type so slow!!!

SOunds to me like this dork can't cope with the idea of you (or any woman) being fit, strong and able to defend herself. At some level, what he really wants is to know he's able to overpower you physically: if he thinks he can;t do that then he thinks he's not a proper man. TBH this would ring a few alarm bells for me, and you probably need to have a straight talk with him along the lines of: yes I can look after myself, but that doesn't mean you can torment me all the time, give it a rest. THink about his general behaviour: is he respectful, kind, pleasant? Or is he a bit of a bully? I certainly wouldn't want to move in with someone who kept teasing and poking me.

I can imagine why this would be wearing thin with you. Ask him again if he wants to join you for a session to see if he likes it.
Obviously if you have been doing it since you were 12 then you will be really experienced (What belt are you?) maybe see if he wants to join a beginners course.
My DH joined me up for a beginners course in Karate as I was quite intreigued (SP?) by it. I really enjoyed the course but try as I might I could not get the steps for the first kata (SP?) right. I gave up in the end .

Your DP may just need a bit more nagging persuasion

I'm probably wrong for saying this, but kick his ass. Just one blow/kick and nothing too nasty iyswim, just let him know you CAN and WILL hurt him if he carries on with this silly, childish behaviour.

You've already asked him to stop and told him it makes you uncomfortable, so maybe a good hard kck up the arse (literally) may get through.

I would have alarm bells going off too I'm afraid. Think you need to do the proper talk and try and work out where it's coming from - if it's just misjudged humour, fair enough.

Madamez's is a good question though - is he a macho sort of guy generally? Does he show any bullying tendencies in any other way?

Mowasha geri Jodan would be my advice

He sounds a bit like Kato to me.

It does just sound like humour to me, I often leap out and attack dp Kato style. I never realised this was so annoying. He did karate too. Sometimes a flying kick speaks volumes and i'm reluctant to give it up, even though i now realise its quite irritating.

psmsl at living with Cato. Maybe watch the pink panther with him and point out the similarity

jeez
you lot are quite violent
CALM DOWN CALM DOWN

he's just found out after all this time, isnt it a nervy / bit annoying but nevertheless a reaction to this news...and er, its lateness?

why did you never even mention it to him even in passing before, that intrigues me..

I once knocked my DP to floor by accident (he had no idea how to block) after he insisted on a mock sparring session for the thousandth time.

He never did it again.

...if he just told you that he was the county champion of decoupage or some such, wouldnt you be wondering WHY he never even mentioned it before?
why not trusted to know this?

...all hobbies should be declared by second date, its just the law you know ..

well in the past 15 years I have had quite a few stops and starts with it, I graded up to yellow belt and then hurt my leg quite badly and had to take time out for months (ended up being a full year) so I went for my orange belt when I was about 14. Then when I was 15 I had alot of trouble at home and so quit everything (school/karate etc) and I had reached blue belt by that point.

I had two years out then went back when I was 17, went back down to orange belt managed to grade upto blue belt when I was 18 and then I fell pregnant with DD so took ANOTHER year or so out lol... long and short of it is that I finally went back properly 5 years ago and managed to grade up to black belt last year and have been training religiously ever since.

I have hurt him a couple of times, both times out of temper then anything else which I'm not proud of as it goes against everything I've been training for but he just pushes and pushes I suppose that makes me the violent partner (if it was the other way around we'd be saying it doesnt matter how much she pushes you, you dont hit her).

Sometimes I actually wonder if I've made a mistake. At the worst times I wonder if I should give the karate up and concentrate on other stuff in my life but then I think why should I?

why did you never even mention it to him even in passing before, that intrigues me..

To be honest, I worried it would put him off.

I agree strongly with madamez

about that mrsjacksparrow
did you have inkling it would be problem?

i think you should be proud of what you have acheived it takes dedication
thrash this out with him,verbally i mean!

it could be the alarm bells the violent ones talk of

JSM, congrats for getting your black belt. Sounds like you had a tough time getting to black belt, you should be proud of yourself. Please please don't give it up especially since you have got so far with it.

As you say it's not right that you have hurt him, and you recognize that, you have to make sure that it never happens again. Still after you hurting him though and he is still doing it, you think he would have learned his lesson by now not to bug you about it.

Maybe it is a masculine thing with him, maybe he doesn't like the idea that you could seriously kick his arse if you wanted to.

Try sitting him down and telling him you want to have a serious talk, tell him that it is really bothering you when he is at you constantly re the Karate, if he then takes no notice, I would get rid.

Carry on will your Karate, are you going to go for your Dan's?

my mum used to do Judo when she was younger - and my dad apprently used to tease her about it when they got married............until she got fed up one day and chucked him over her shoulder onto the bed.....except got a bit carried away and he went so far across he crashed onto the floor on the other side......he never teased her again LOL

Oh Mrs JS he really doesn't sound like a very good idea to me. Now it isn't right to hit a person for being annoying, but there are some cases and some people who know this and yet won't stop pushing and pushing, tormenting and winding up... It's not right to hit them but if this is a constant pattern then the relationship is pretty unhealthy and the tormenting person is behaving in an unpleasant unethical way too.
(I'm not saying that as a get-out-of-jail-free card to any abusive bully who wants to claim provocation as a justification of violence - not remotely saying that you do, MrsJS - just commenting on the fact that there is a form of passive-aggressive behaviour which some people display, repeatedly provoking and subtly bullying someone who they know has a hot temper, then doing the oh-my-partner/that-person-is-so-nasty-and-violent...)