What would you do?

[Ifsaddnesscouldkill]

I am deeply unhappy in my life. I believe if unhappiness was deadly. It would’ve killed me. I have everything anyone could want, material things.

I live alone with my two children.
I have a beautiful home. A very good business and income. And the respect of my employees customers and colleagues.

. But still I am suffering with crippling unhappiness and am so so lonely.
18 months ago my business partner told me that he loves me. I loved him from our first time speaking. And I did always suspect that he felt the same. I ignored his declarations. And he said it again several times. He is married with two children. Unhappily married. But married none the less.

Eventually, after a few months. I admitted that I love him also.

I would not allow an affair to happen. Because It is not my personality. But for around 15 months we have been in an emotional affair. Sharing everything with each other. Caring and loving each other. Going away on holidays about once every 4-6 weeks.

His wife told him that she knows he loves me. I assume he denied it. But I don’t know for sure. And she believes that we don’t work together and doesn’t know that we go away together.

When we go away together. It is always separate rooms. Nothing happens. But we are together constantly during these trips. The last one was 4 nights.

Our love is too strong to leave. And of course our business also.

Throughout everything we have always been strong for work. And when we have had issues, it has never affected our work.

But now. It’s been so long. I’m young. And I’m living a loveless life. With no affection.

So on Saturday, I told him how unhappy I am. How lonely I am. And that I saw that I have two choices.

Remain lonely and accept that my life is a lonely life.

Or find someone to share my life with. I don’t not actually believe that I could find someone. Because I am so much in love with him. He read the message. Then replied 4 hours later. I didn’t read his reply. Then he deleted it before I could read it. Since then, we spoke for work. And today, are in the same office alone and are being like normal.

He runs from problems. Will never have a difficult conversation.

But I cannot continue like this. I love him. So very much. And I know that he does too. But it is an unlivable situation. But I don’t see any way out of it.

Leave the business, never see him again.

There is a way out of it. You have to stop working together. There’s got to be a way to do that, if he died you’d manage, if his wife told him to do it he’d manage.

You know he won’t give you what you want and that you won’t meet anyone who might while you’re wasting your life on him.

Your love is not “too strong to leave”. That’s nonsense. By getting swept up in mills & boon style hyperbole you’re absolving yourself of responsibility for starting to work with someone you fancied when you knew he was married, and for having a long term affair.

You’re not happy. You want to be happy. You know the cause of your unhappiness so you know what you have to do.

This is so weird, and your own doing if I’m honest. He wanted to be with you and you said no, now his married you want him.

He sent you a reply and you didn’t read it for 4 hours!! That was silly!

You should step back and let him get on with his life, or start putting some actions into your words atleast, seems like your just playing games.

I have two choices
Remain lonely and accept that my life is a lonely life
Or find someone to share my life with

These are not the only 2 options. Another one is to gain some self respect, and realise that you need your own support, and not that of another. Learn to be alone and happy, rather than lonely. You do not need this man or any other to make you happy and cure your loneliness. You need to have your own back.

He was already married. That’s why I didn’t accept an affair.

I didn’t reply, because I was asleep.

I do not need anyone for support. But for companionship, I do. I am human.

I do not need someone financing my life, or caring for children. But I do need someone to share my life with. This is normal. It doesn’t mean that I lack self respect.

What is it you’re trying to achieve. He’s not leaving his wife for you op
you need to get your head round that and stop with all the mills and boons shite.

stop going away with him and acting like a love sick teenager. It’s not going anywhere you want it to go.

But I do need someone to share my life with. This is normal

It's the position a lot of people find themselves to be in, but it's not healthy. Like drinking every day, or being overweight. Normal, but not healthy.

'Needing' someone to share your life with is a lack of self respect. Recognising that you have the strength to be alone and be ok is self respect. Get yourself into the latter position before even thinking about relationships, otherwise you'll be relying on your partner to keep you happy, and that's too big a weight to put on another person.

You are your own responsibility. Look after you.

You won’t meet anyone else while pining over him.

Why don't you just open up a conversation with him? Then you'll know where you stand.

Op, I'm sorry but I think he senses you are vulnerable here. If he really loved you he wouldn't still be with his wife.
If his marriage was so very unhappy, he wouldn't still be with his wife.
And he would have addressed your text to him the very next time he saw you.

He sounds like a classic having his cake and eating it sort of guy.

You need to stop working with him and stop having anything to do with him. he has some sort of unnatural hold over you and although you haven't been physical it is still very much an affair, and he is still cheating on his wife.

If possible, leave the business and then cut contact with him.

Let's say that he is genuinely unhappy in his marriage, he still doesn't love you enough to leave her for you. He will never leave. You'll be spending the next few years pining after him and feeling like you're a second choice.

You need to stop the sharing, stop the holidays, stop the contact. You sound like you're in a vulnerable place mentally and he is taking advantage, regardless of whether or not he intends to.

As cliche as it sounds, you need to learn to love yourself again. Remind yourself who you are as an individual. Find your hobbies, work on your health.

It may feel tough now but you'll feel much better for it by Christmas.

You're madly in love with each other and you sneak away on secret holidays where you have separate rooms?

That's... odd.

Be grateful for what you do have in life, but you won't find what you're looking for in a unavailable man.

I'm thinking you don't want to admit to a full on affair but you need to stop.

Option 3: stop being such a wet lettuce and end it and leave yourself open to meeting someone else. Preferably don't work with him anymore either. Your OP comes across like a bad mills and boon plot, almost like you are enjoying being in some kind of tortured unconsummated relationship.
Ask yourself why you are willing to accept crumbs from this man?

He isn't going to leave his wife, he's stringing you along - he probably loves the attention of two women.

His poor wife. You are both taking the absolute piss out of her.

Why doesn't he leave his wife since your love is mutual?
Have you genuinely not even kissed once? Weird to love each other and have so much time alone and not even kiss.

I know it probably doesn't help to say ''count your blessings'' but you have so much in your life - two lovely children, a beautiful home, your own business and, most importantly, INDEPENDENCE - you sound like a love sick teenager, of course the 'idea' of being love is lovely but you only have to read the hundreds of threads on here to see how often it all goes wrong.

Many women would love your lifestyle. Stop mooning over this unavailable man, concentrate on your own self esteem and enjoying your own company - not thinking that your happiness depends on someone else.