Worried about ex husband.

[Itsvalentino]

For background, we split 11 years ago, we’ve always got on, and co-parented well, kids are 17 & 14 both girls.

2 years ago in the middle of the pandemic, he started having stomach problems, and lost a lot of weight, his dad has Crohn’s disease, and after a phone call with his GP, ex was diagnosed with the same. Id say he lost approx 4 stone in weight.

He has remained single since our split, and although I have no right to, I did send him a few crohn’s diet sheets, as he was choosing to not eat rather than manage his symptoms. Also, he has had zero contact with his GP since the initial phone call, he was told at the time that they’d run further tests but because of the pandemic, it’d be awhile, he hasn’t chased them because I think he’s in denial and also he works away Monday-Friday and won’t take the time off work.

After his initial huge weight loss, he seemed to level out at the smaller weight, but I saw him last night, and he is so skinny, last time I saw him was 3 weeks ago and I’d say he’s easily lost a stone. I’d put him at around 8 stone now ☹️ I’ve spoken to the children and they said his ribs are exposed and his skin seems yellow at times.

What can I do? The 17 year old has tried speaking to him, but who’s responsibility is it to try and help him? I’m happy to help, but how?

Could the kids phone his parents? Say they are worried about his health?

We’ve discussed this, the problem is his dad hasn’t managed his crohn’s either, he was diagnosed later in life and has pretty much ignored it and his mom will take to her bed with stress and worry, and make it about her. They’re also in their 80’s.

Crohns wouldn't be diagnosed over the phone? He have to have a camera to confirm?

Also diet has nothing to do with treatment. He needs to phone his GP and get an urgent referral with Gastro.

I've had countless cameras during the pandemic, so thats not really an excuse as to why he is waiting. That amount of weight lost is quite severe and he needs urgent attention.

If he is mentally competent then no-one can force him to seek medical help.

However his family - so your joint children plus any other relation but not you, his work colleagues and friends can tell him to go to the doctor etc.

Your job is to suggest to your 17 year old what people she should contact to encourage her dad to go to the doctor and help her if she asks for it.

17 year old is going to speak to her auntie (his sister) and see if she can have a word with him.

She’s also messaged her dad today, and he’s said that he’s been very busy with work and not stopping for lunch, and he’ll do his best to eat more and has promised to call his GP.

The yellow skin would suggest jaundice and/or liver problems.

I think he needs more than a GP appointment. Can your daughters get him to the hospital?

Good on you for looking out for him :)

No, I’m afraid not, he works away all week, so is probably 200 miles away.

The kids will be with him this weekend, so I’ll see how he is then, and suggest a hospital visit.