Why her and not me?

[bluetatoo]

First post but long time lurker.
I really need a kick up my arse.

I have been single mum for ten years nearly. I didn't date at all for years and then now my children are grown up I started a bit.
Of course the only guy I actually liked and clicked with was a total flake and didn't appear at all interested. I became a total lunatic in my head so finished it thinking that would knock it on the head. I played it cool with him didn't act like a mad woman I don't think??

Finishing with him did not help me at all though!

I haven't stopped thinking about him at all and if anything its got worse.
He lives in my road and now he obviously has a new GF and I feel so jealous a feeling I have never actually experienced before.
I have tried OLD and that made it worse as no one was getting my attention at all.

I am so busy and overwhelmed with my life so I can't distract myself anymore ( I have quite a few "issues' that are upsetting me at the minute). I work full time and I am also studying. Exercise every day although I have stopped in the last week. Plus friends, life, etc so really busy.

Just want to cry all the time.
I don't understand why I am upset and focused on what is essentially a non event??

Please tell me to stop being so fucking fucking stupid!!!

Don't think it's the guy you're sad about (as you said he was a flake) but maybe just loneliness/wanting to meet someone? Totally normal to feel this way despite having lots of stuff on and being busy. The minute you have a nice date or meet a decent guy, you won't even think about this one. It's just atm he's the last person you had a good time with so you've built up the fantasy in your head.

I would delete him off all socials so you can't stalk. If you do bump into him, remind yourself that he may be right for her but he definitely wasn't right for you! It's not that he chose her over you as such, it wasn't a competition. It's just that they are likely more compatible or she just puts up with more of his crap. You'll never know why someone wasn't into you - so come up with a reason that's kind to you rather than makes you feel like you lost something.

He wasn't the one for you but at some point you'll meet someone who is!

Thank you I really appreciate that! I think you're right that maybe he made me feel something I haven't felt for maybe 20 years as I had been in a loveless marriage before and then just about the kids.

I know he wasn't really for me for a few reasons and at the day was just a normal bloke with the same problems and issues we all have.

The jealousy is a new one on me have actually never felt jealous before and it is awful feeling. and so annoying that we are neighbours so I do sort of see him coming and going. we are not next door but I can see him drive sometimes and stuff but we haven't bumped into each other or anything.

At the time his friend said he did really like me but had a lot on with his ex wife, kids etc. But now I think my gut was right he didn't like me and he does like this one as her car is there all the time where's he was always 'busy' with me.

I really appreciate your comments though I really do they make a lot of sense.

Please tell me to stop being so fucking fucking stupid

This is the cause of your problem. Massive self-disrespect. If someone else told you that they couldn't stop thinking about someone, would you even consider telling them to stop being so fucking fucking stupid? It's so desperately rude.

In short, if you're nicer to yourself, you have less need for other people to be nice to you.

You need to work on your self-esteem and be enough for yourself. Then when you're ready, you won't completely depend on someone else to make you feel better