I see now that I’m the last priority for my husband.

[alphasox]

Last week I injured my back badly. Saturday it was so painful I had to crawl out of bed to the loo. Said to OH that he needed to take the day off for the kids (10 and 3). He refused and went to work, apparently it was impossible to move his appointments.

His dad is in hospital at the mo and he has re-arranged all his appointments this week so he can be with his mum. His mum is not elderly, drives, is coping fine.

my back is still painful but improving. but I’m left working, doing school runs and looking after the kids alone.

If I pull him up on this he’s going to say IABU as his dad is in hospital isn’t he? So what do I do? What do I say?

it’s just really making me sad as it’s not unusual.
he always puts his business, his parents, his friends and every one else above me and the kids. Everyone says how amazing he
is at helping our, how he would do anything for anyone apparently.

just not me 😢

Seriously?

This is a marriage

what kind of life is that for anyone. Most of all the poor children forced in to this environment

If he couldn't/wouldn't stay at home I would have hoped he would at least of thought about taking the kids somewhere so that Op could rest.

It's great that he wants to be with his Mum-but not at the exclusion of all else-and surely she wouldn't want that?

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Very useful.

For those saying it depends on his dad's illness. It doesn't, as my back thing was before his dad's hospitalisation. I needed him 10 days ago. His dad has been in hospital 2 days.

My back was so bad for 3 days that I couldn't roll over, couldn't stand. I was not fit to look after a 3 year old. Yes my 10 year old was incredibly helpful, but it's a bit much to expect a 10 year old to babysit a 3 year old all day. I couldn't let my 10 year old cook without supervision and getting down stairs was impossible. OH works til late at night so I had to put my DCs to bed by asking them to come to sleep in my bed with me.

As I say, his father is in hospital and being well looked after. He is having a procedure that is relatively routine. We are not worried. My MIL is mostly at home all day as she is only allowed to visit FIL for 2 hours in the evening, she doesn't work, she can drive herself to visits, she's already been in tesco today and round to visit her sister for a coffee, she is not a woman in need of looking after.

And yes it is another incident in a long long 15 year list of things. Tiny examples include the fact that whenever i ring him he never picks up, yet when he's with me he's constantly on the phone to his team or his family, anyone. He picks up the phone before it's barely started ringing! A few years ago our baby was admitted to hospital with suspected Sepsis and I couldn't get him to pick up his mobile or his work phone. I ended up ringing one of his team and getting them to pass the phone to him. He complained when I asked him to leave work early to come and pick up the other child from the hospital and take them home while the baby had tests etc . He was too busy, he thought it was an inconvenience that the GP had sent us to hospital.

He does work in a service industry where he has clients booked in most of the day, but as I've said, for his mum he was quite happy today to ring all his clients re-arrange their appointments for next week, but when I ask him to do that for me or the kids, he refuses.

Yes, I am done with him. I just have to work out how to extricate myself from this.

If you want him to beleive you, you need to stop.
Stop working, stop cooking, do the school run if you really have to but that's it. Put the dcs in front of the TV.

Basically ACT like you are in pain rarher than struggliong through it.

It shouldnt be like this but one thing i've learnt from being ill is that people don't believe you are that ill/in pain etc... if you struggle through the pain. It's crap but my life got much better when I started to do that.

Having said that, he is a prick!!!

The OP can do what's needed for her children. If he thinks his job is solely to work and never to help out at home then why should the OP cook his dinner, do his washing?

I fucking hate so many of the useless men written about on these threads. It does my BP no good.