Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To Honey Trap or Just Walk Away

39 replies

NoMoreShit · 20/06/2022 05:52

A fiend on OLD has sent me a screenshot of my partner of 3 years on there. He's soon to be my ex partner so if anyone is interested in a socially inept, miserly, 51 year old with erectile dysfunction, dm me & I'll happily give you his details.

And no, it's definitely not an old profile. It's got a 3 day old photo on it. He's created the profile while I've been away having medical treatment. What a Prince eh?

I'm not even going to bother confronting him about it because he'll have somehow justified it to himself as all being my fault. Problem is I catch him out, then call him out for his shitty behaviour & he calls that me being abusive. He lies so much I don't think he knows the truth anymore & his attitude is 'you were never meant to see that message' (when a woman he was fawning over sent me a screenshot of the fawning) 'so it's your fault you're hurt'.

Had enough now. Bollocks to him. Only decision is how I end it. Just walk away or let my friend arrange to meet him then turn up on his 'date'? It'd be nice to catch him red handed & burst his inflated opinion of himself.

OP posts:

gingersplodgecat · 20/06/2022 14:30

Walk away with your head held high.

Oh, and buy a copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k.

SuziSecondLaw · 20/06/2022 14:33

Nah, it won't work. He'll make out like you were crazy for doing all that to catch him out.
I've been with someone like that before.
Congratulations on your new life without him, you'll be so much happier.

dotdotdotdash · 20/06/2022 14:35

wellhelloitsme · 20/06/2022 14:13

Drop the rope, don't sink to his level.

"This relationship isn't working for me any more. My mind is made up and a clean break is best so I'm going to block you as there's nothing else to discuss. All the best."

Then follow through.

If you have stuff at his and it's in any way replaceable, leave it there for him to sort out. If you don't need it back (eg it's not a family heirloom, it's not something necessary for work etc) then it's a price worth paying to have the dickhead out of your life for good.

If he has stuff at yours, box it up and send it to his address either at work or home. Done. People will say you shouldn't and you should just chuck it, which I understand, but gives him the opportunity to have an 'excuse' to chase you up and contact you.

Otherwise you'll go there to exchange stuff or vice versa, you'll end up talking and by the end of the conversation you'll both come away thinking he ended it with you and you'll feel shit again.

This way you're reclaiming control and making a conscious choice to move on.

Good luck OP

Great advice! Very dignified.

JuneyJune · 20/06/2022 14:36

Yeah I totally agree with all the replies here saying just end it.

Before I'd read those replies I was thinking Honey Trap is a great idea but MNers are totally right yet again.

Just dumping the guy because you don't want to be with him and not letting on you have any clue about anything untoward is much better than drama that he will be able to twist.

"I don't want to be with you anymore. This relationship isn't working for me."

PerfectlyQuiet · 20/06/2022 14:46

Yes to just telling him it's over. Don't try and let his ex sis tan e influence anything you do. Everything you do from now on should be things that you are doing for yourself. Try not to give him any headspace at all.

Good luck.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 20/06/2022 14:48

He'll think he's winning by having you and cheating on you. By leaving him you'll make him weaker than we already know he is and he'll have his ego hurt. Don't insult him or show off that you knew, just let him go and let him suffer from it

sunlovingcriminal · 20/06/2022 14:52

Replace his key ring with one that says "lonely old man"... and suggest he moves out.

You probably won't do this... but I just loved you calling him a lonely old man. It should be his definition now.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 20/06/2022 14:59

Thing is, if you do this (or something like it) you're still dancing to his tune in a manner of speaking. You're still taking on his shit.

Leave on your own terms, then live on your own terms. That's it.

Whoatealltheminieggs · 20/06/2022 15:01

Agree with others. The most dignified response is silence. Nothing. No energy. No more time wasted.

stealthninjamum · 20/06/2022 15:06

I’m a big fan of behaving with dignity and feigned indifference. That’ll hurt his ego more.

Bookworm20 · 20/06/2022 15:09

It would be so tempting to set him up and to turn up on their 'date'.
But I agree, just walking away with a simple, I don't like you, would definitely mess with him more.

A friend in a similar situation was going to do the turn up on a date thing. Instead her and her friends took it to another level. Friends he either hadn't met or wouldn't of remembered.

Over the course of the next few weeks her friends matched with him and went on a date with him. And after ordering and eating the most expensive thing on the menu, went 'to the loo' (aka left the restaurant and went home) and just left him there with him footing the bill.
I think it was around 8 of them who did it, so he must have been fairly out of pocket. Not to mention his ego taking a huge dent when every single one of them ran out on the date. Took him down a peg or two. THEN she dumped him without a by your leave.

OneFrenchEgg · 20/06/2022 15:48

Not to mention his ego taking a huge dent when every single one of them ran out on the date. Took him down a peg or two. THEN she dumped him without a by your leave.

Well I'm sure his ego recovered when he realised 8 (9 incl girlfriend) women thought him important enough to spend all that time and effort on him.

Coldiron · 20/06/2022 16:46

Why not get your friend to arrange a date with him (but not actually go) and while he is at the date getting stood up, you can drop all his sh*t at his house and block him

PoseyFlump · 20/06/2022 16:55

@NoMoreShit you haven't said if you actually live with the Lonely Old Man or not?

A different approach might be needed if you need to get him out of your house for example.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread