Ulterior motive?

[DatingDinosaur]

Right. I’m not sure if I’ve got my head too far up my own arse about this so need some alternative theories please.

I was hiking with a guy from my hobby group yesterday and he, for the third time, brought up the subject of booking overnight accommodation and making a weekend of it in the future.

I’ve been a bit vague and non-committal about it. I like the idea in theory. We get on well enough.

But (and here’s the head up my own arse bit..) I’m suspicious of the motive. He’s a single man. I’m a single woman. Similar ages. And I’m thinking he has an ulterior motive.

So why would a guy suggest a weekend away with a woman if there isn’t an ulterior motive?

There might be, could you see yourself being together?

He's definitely angling for a game of Hide The Sausage. But do you like him?

If hiking is the sole purpose of the trip and you have separate rooms then it may be legit. I'd plain straight out ask him if he has an ulterior motive. He's asked you 3 times so it's probably time to say yes or no I'm not comfortable with that!
It does appear as if he may want more, are you both of retirement age?

@browniesandcakes If he asked me out on a date I’d agree. He’s a nice guy.

@ILoveAGoodProsecco I don’t want to play Hide The Sausage with him just yet (well, he can keep it hidden for now).

I was really hoping I'm wrong to think he has an ulterior motive. He doesn't come across as a player type :(

I'm really confused .

It's not an ulterior motive if he's clearly asking you out?

He's hardly a player for asking you out?

@Marineboy67 Hiking would be the reason for the trip. We’d definitely have separate rooms and paying our own way (at my insistence). I’ve not dismissed it out of hand – just not agreed to any set weekend or location.

If he is wanting something more then that’s way too much too soon for me so don’t want to put myself in an awkward situation or potentially give the wrong impression so yes, a conversation needs to be had next time I see him and the conversation crops up. No, we’re not of retirement age.

Surely to god he must be able to see how a woman might interpret this! :/

@stevalnamechanger It’s not asking me out though is it? It’s asking me to stay overnight somewhere with him. We aren’t already dating.

If all this is is a walk with someone you only know from a walking group and he's suggesting a weekend away with no relationship or a date beforehand he's being cheeky and presumptuous. No way that I'd do that.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron That’s the way I’m thinking. But I don’t want to be presumptuous by presuming his intention is a game of Hide The Sausage :D That’s why I’m asking if there could be any other (more innocent) reason :/ and I am just wrongly(?) tarring him with the same brush :/

He fancies you. FGS. This isn't rocket science. He wants to get to know you better. How is this not obvious?

I think for your own safety taking a weekend away hiking with someone you don't really know might be a tad risky. Out in the middle of nowhere with a relative stranger just doesn't sound good. I've got 3 grown up daughters and I'd say the same to them in your situation. If you had gone on a few safe dates and properly got to know a person and felt you might be able to trust them then maybe.
Otherwise I'd be cautious and mindful.

I think he wants sex without all the bother of dating first.

I guess it just depends whether or not you want the same thing.

Why not ask him? Next time he suggests it, just say 'As friends?'

That's it.

Hiking with benefits, that's a new one on me. 😆

Maybe he thinks a weekend away hiking together is a date (as it's clearly something you both enjoy doing), without explicitly asking you on a 'date'? And if it's not explicitly a date then he has less to fear in terms of potential rejection.

Perhaps his thinking behind it is a way to spend an evening together, having a meal etc, rather than any sexual intention?

Why not turn it around and ask him on a date? (Say you'd rather do that first than an overnight trip away together). That way you're avoiding the issue of bluntly declining any potential ulterior sexual motive and showing him that you do have a romantic attraction to him.

I've a female friend. We had a two day walking trip inc an overnight hotel stay. I booked a twin room. I don't fancy her. Shock horror he might not fancy you.

Shock horror he might not fancy you

The whole point of the thread is that OP isn't sure if he fancies her or not. She's not assuming he does.

Then ha some glass and at least take her to dinner first before planning a weekend away together

Have some class* not glass fgs

I think that this is him signalling that he likes you and he wants to spend more time with you, sounds like you've spend quite a bit of time hiking and presumably chatting and getting to know him lately? He's not goint to say the words "I am asking you out". He could say, do you fancy meeting me for a coffee midweek, but my guess is he's a bit shy and awkward and the absolutely opposite of a "player". I reckon he feels like he's found something you both have in common so is trying to utilise that to move things forward on safe ground. Mabye he's thinking you could hike, and then go for dinner etc. It's clear he would like to spend more time with you, if he was after sex (and what's wrong with that if you're up for it) he could ask you to meet locally for drinks without the bother of packing a bag! All sounds very wholesome to me!

The only question is really, do you want to go on a hiking weekend with the man? You don't really need to classify at it at this point. You could say you'll book it, then you can organise the room situation to your preference. I don't think it sounds like anything to worry about.

Just ask him if he fancies a shag in the sleeping bag

Sounds like he enjoys your company and wants to spend more time with you - a whole weekend.

You'll have seperate rooms and both paying your own way.

You say you like him, perhaps spending the weekend away 'as friends' you'll get to know each other better and see where it leads.

I'm not automatically jumping to the conclusion that he just wants to sleep with you. Sounds much more like he'd like to spend more time with you because he likes you and possibly hoping you may feel the same way.

Maybe he just likes your company, and wants someone to hike with.

Thanks all for the great insights

Next time I see him I’m going to raise the subject again as, top and bottom of it is, I would enjoy a weekend away doing something I enjoy in the company of someone I enjoy being with and I’ve realised I’m just projecting a past bad experience onto him. He’s not that guy!