Right . So recent break up from a guy who I really really liked . I'm so sorry this is gonna be a lengthy post .....
He is on the autistic spectrum- diagnosed in adult hood but appeared incredibly self aware . We really really got on . I loved that he was different. He has absolutely no male ego - quite happy to walk around in my fluffy pink dressing gown , quirky hobbies , not afraid to be different- just is different. I have a grown up son with asd so I recognised it straight away and I'm probably a little touched myself tbh - so we just really hit it off from day one.
Two weeks ago he suddenly had some epiphany that he thought he was in love with anyone who just accepted him and he broke it off saying he needed therapy . He's gone into therapy and said he isn't t fit for a relationship because he cannot tell the difference between real love and having his attachment needs met . He was like a rabbit in the headlights . Like suddenly doesn't trust anything is real .
I have really really missed him . He's been on my mind all the time . The sex was the best I've ever had - he's very experienced and almost approached pleasing me in a scientific way - which worked very well I have to say . We were for the duration of the relationship at it like bunnies.
I had been considering a hook up with a guy who turned out to be not my thing and my ex and I are still in touch - he said if I want we can have a casual relationship- I'm guessing just for the sex .
Is this a mad idea ? The sex was great . But there will be a part of me hoping that if I back off and keep things casual , something might blossom and he might realise we were absolutely great together. And we were - we are very alike , same personality type , same birthday , same ideals , same ethics , same values , same politics , same tastes, both a
Bit hippy - but he did get very intense very fast and sort of dragged me along with him . We never argued. We got on really really well. Similar jobs whereby we try to help others , went into those careers for similar reasons . I defend people who can't defend themselves, he tries to change the lives of kids who have SEN and does it really well . I admire him a lot . And I really like him . I don't just accept him - I was really falling for him despite myself . When he pulled the plug it hurt me .
I darent even ask really what it is he's wanting now because I don't want to scare him away . He was all in initially- he was the one wanting to be together a lot , making plans , arranging things , I'd met his kids , then suddenly he pulled back , and finished it .
The two friends I've told think this is going to lead to hurt for me if we see each other again on a casual basis - but it was so intense this is maybe the more sensible way to go - just play it by ear ?, take a step back and see what happens ? Neither of us is dating anyone else . He's in therapy . I'm miserable without him . We've scaled everything right back , message maybe once every few days . ( it was constant before but both of us were as giddy)
He's meant to be coming over next week . I want to see him .
Do I just go with my heart ? Or is this going to lead to more time wasted and heartache ?
He does think differently to other people - that's his asd. No ego. Navel gazer. Quite profound. Fun to be around tho . I'm desperately hoping he sees that I'm not just accepting of him , that I really really like him, and his differences make him who he is and I love that . But he seems determined to self sabotage. If this is just going to be sex - in the long run I wouldn't be happy but is it worth starting again with a much more casual arrangement in the hope he might realise we were good together? And for it to maybe develop?
God why is this so bloody hard .