My exDH and I divorced in December 2021 we have 1DS 5. He was emotionally abusive and controlling for the last few years so I’m glad we are divorced but in April 2022 he told me he was seeing someone new and he was going to introduce them to my son (so am i, that’s fine with me of course) but it turns out it’s someone from his work place. They’ve known each other for about 3 years. It’s a small company with only about 30 employees in the uk. I know vaguely know who she is because I used to hear them having work related phone calls a lot when he was working from home and I was in the house. ( then he’d hang up after his chatty happy conversation with her and be cold and disdainful to me again, but to be fair he did this me after any phone call with anyone)
his story was that she’d noticed his address changed and asked why and they got chatting then they got together in December 2021 so conveniently just after the divorce came through.
i had to meet her the other day when I collected DS from his dad’s house and she was there and I had this really visceral reaction afterwards. I was so much more angry and upset than I expected like screaming into a pillow couldn’t sleep all night.
I suppose now I’m wondering was there something more going on? Was he having an affair physical or emotional. At the very least I think it must’ve been on both their minds.
He went on alot of work trips and loads of work nights out in London like every week and he never invited me.
he’d often stay over in hotels overnight but not book them until the night it self ( to get a cheaper rate he said)
he started keeping his finances separate and had lots of different bank accounts that I never had access to ( I’d thought this was because he was planning to divorce me)
we bought a duvet because she recommended it to him and said how great it was
he had a work phone that I was never allowed to know the password for and then he also changed the password on his regular phone too and he did become more guarded about it.
he started exercising getting his teeth fixed laser hair removal
he was very cold toward me turning away from any physical affection constantly rejecting me and and sexual advances that I made but I assumed this was part of the abuse and didn’t connect it to anything else.
they’ve just been to Greece on holiday for 2 weeks and had a weekend abroad in April 2022 and both holidays were booked in feb 2022 so only 8 weeks max after they first apparently got together.
I had asked him outright when he ended the marriage in jan 2021 if there is anyone else and he said no and he seemed believable at that time.
my head is reeling and I can’t think clearly about it. Maybe I’m adding 2and 2 and getting 5? I’d been so focused on unraveling everything from the abuse that I hadn’t considered this. I feel angry all the time and it’s really disturbing my happy peaceful life that I’ve worked had to build for myself and ds. I don’t think I’ll ever truly know what happened and I have so many unanswered questions. Every time my ds chats to his dad on face time I have to see her face next to him and it’s just this painful reminder.
are these signs of something more? Could it all be innocent like he says. I’m hoping the hive mind of mumsnet can help me with this one.