I have Asperger's and succinctness is not my forte so I will try and not make this too long a post.
I divorced the love of my life a few years ago. It all started with me feeling unhappy and us growing apart and we talked and he said he loved me and I loved him too but we both knew we needed to change things and spend more time together. We had 4 children (3 in common and my eldest from a previous short marriage) at the time aged 13 to 3 and I had a very short marriage in my early 20s where I had a stillborn son and the eldest whom my second husband, the love of my life, looked after from age 2.
Things went downhill early 2017 and we grew further apart while in the same house late 2017 with me working away 2 days a week and him feeling sad my feelings have changed somewhat. I suggested we had a break from each other for a couple of months and he was very upset. he then started "seeing" a girl a few doors down to get back at me (as he later admitted in counselling)
we went to counselling and decided not to divorce but his idea of the no divorce split was that I move hot and he kids stay with him. I tried to keep the family together as I still loved him but he seemed to have enjoyed being "single" and told me he didn't love me any more even though he was declaring his everlasting love just a month before that.
in late 2018 I met someone that started as a friendship and we grew closer and he proposed to me (unexpectedly). I was still married legally and the new bloke encouraged me to start divorce proceedings. My husband didn't mind as was already in a relationship. the divorce still took ages and we were both hurt by the process. I ended up stupidly marrying the guy who proposed, He didn't want to meet anyone new so just went through a few secondary school friends and is now with another one of those (since last summer)
My current husband also had a relationship (not married) for 20 years and they split up in 2016 (he has 2 children aged 21 and 15 who don't live with us.) we have a toddler together.
I love my baby so much and happy that my children are with me. However I am deeply unhappy in my marriage. We argue daily and he is very intense (that's another story all together, but it doesn't help at all) and I miss my ex husband, our family and just being together. It's hard to explain but I miss the closeness we had.
I am aware the whole thing sounds pathetic. I am aware there is no way back. I am also aware I need to leave my current husband.
I am in my early 40s, my children are 18, 14,11, 8 and nearly 2
i will open another thread asking for practical advise about separating from my current husband.
This thread is really about getting over the ex. We are on good terms generally and I still love him. I tried various techniques, I never see him (we live in diff cities), but I am haunted by dreams and just thinking about him constantly. It is not sexual or an addition, it's much deeper than that. Has anyone else had this and did it pass eventually? How kind did it take?
PS I went through intense grief after the death of my first son (losing him to stillbirth at nearly full term). I realise that in comparison this sounds pathetic and insignificant.