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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gentle reminders to be brave

29 replies

VJasper86 · 19/06/2022 06:07

Just need some gentle polite reminders to hold my nerve and that I am doing the right thing.
I posted a while back after being really proud that I had told dh that I wasn't happy.
Him being unfaithful a while ago and my counselling gave me the confidence to speak up and say that I don't think I am over it and I am not sure I can be.
We decided to take a month to think, look into options and come back to the table with what we had found.
In hindsight I wish I hadn't given a month as I had looked into things in the first week.
I've focused on what I feel the problems are (with him and also self reflection), I've contacted a relationship counsellor to see what is involved etc, I've looked at what benefits I may be entitled to should we split.
I've covered a lot of bases.
I am now just playing the waiting game and it sucks. In this lull of waiting for the month to be up (we have a date and time "booked") he has started to help more, he's making more effort. It is starting to make me doubt trial separation.
Maybe I do live him and I can get back that sexual attraction. Maybe it would be a mistake, is this just a bad patch and we'll get through it.
On the other hand it feels its been quite easy for him to help more, so why the F wasn't he helping a year ago when I was screaming our for support. Do I really want to move on from seeing a message saying "lucky I had bottoms on", I deserve better even if that was 7 years ago.

OP posts:
VJasper86 · 19/06/2022 14:16

Thanks @picklemewalnuts this is exactly what I need, need my big girl pants on. I just hate hurting people, probably half of why I've been as I am for so long and now I'm starting to feel bad and falter as it's still a week until we talk (I feel I genuinely want to see what effort he is going to put in with the chat itself)

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 19/06/2022 14:33

He's been hurting you for years.

VJasper86 · 19/06/2022 16:11

Good point. Maybe before we talk I need to read over my first post, along with all the little notes I have made and maybe that will keep me focused.

OP posts:
pompomseverywhere · 19/06/2022 18:07

He's like a child pushing the boundaries to see how far he can push you. He's learnt from this that he can disrespect you, ignore your needs, not give you responses and not hear you out. There are no consequences for him. Get rid of this brat

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