DM strange attitude to relationship

[user3572]

Recently separated from ex-DP. Things had really soured between us but the worst thing was that ex-DP and my DC were not getting on. DC are both under 10 and it felt as though ex-DP was competing with them.

It's very difficult to explain but it was behaviour that made me feel uncomfortable because it felt so childish and I could tell that my DC were unhappy. Since the split DC have seemed to be so much happier and relaxed. Older DC has commented to me privately that they are relieved by the split and never said anything about how they felt about ex-DP because they wanted me to be happy. I feel awful about this and as though I've let them both down.

My problem now is my 'DM'. Ex-DP is frequently messaging and trying to instigate getting back together - claiming they've worked their head out and what they want from life and it can all be different - I'm firmly in the no chance camp. However, my DM keeps suggesting that I give it another go. Ive highlighted how my DC are so much happier now and their feelings towards ex-DP and all my DM says is 'well children grow up and leave you one day'. She seems to have no concept that to give this relationship another try would be really detrimental to my kids.

Is it a generational thing or a my DM thing? It's like she's terrified I'll end up alone and so ignores the damage it will do in the meantime. Interestingly, she met my step-dad very quickly after my DF left and despite mine and my brother's reservations, moved him in very quickly. Although they've been together longer than my parents now and I get on well with my step-dad it still smarts that she behaved that way so perhaps my strong feelings about her current viewpoint are linked to that.

Could she be embarrassed people will know you have 2 failed relationships now?
*def def not my thoughts just an idea....
My dm had similar thinking
.

It's not generational. It's absolutely that if you take him back you are validating her actions.

You kicking him out emphasises that she didn't think about her own children at all.

Thank God you are not your mother and you put your children first! Their happiness is more important than a relationship!

Ignore your mother!

Some people like to see people coupled up. Maybe that's your mothers thinking. She might think you need a man to be a complete family.
You have made your decision and your kids are happier. Tell her the relationship is over and her going on about it is making you unhappy.,

That's a good point. She puts a lot of value in what other people think so perhaps this is the case.

Just don’t tell her he has been in contact. Don’t discuss him with her.

I don't think it's a generational thing or a Mum thing. I think your Mum either can't imagine a woman being without a man, or else she's aware on some level she put having a man ahead of her children and wants to feel she did the 'right' thing (or at least that you are also willing to do that). You doing the right thing by your children has thrown a light on what she did.

You have done the right thing by your children, which is the right thing full stop. Good for you.

My dm was just like this. She actually spent days crying saying how upset she was because she loved now ex dp (like a son)😳 I was so angry with her, he treated us all terribly and she was gushing all over him. I don’t know what was going on in her head to be honest but our relationship was never the same after that.

I would say it's a DM issue. It also shows her lack of emotional maturity. My mum is similar. My mum sees everything from HER perspective and can't relate to how others may feel, so I could see her being similar to yours.

Ignore her. Tell her to stop talking about it. She needs to know it's none of her business.