I was in a relationship with my ex for 6 years. We had children together. He was abusive, never physical, mainly emotional and financial abuse, sometimes violent outbursts (punching walls etc).
We have been separated now for over 3 years. He has had multiple partners during this time, me, none. I have the children 90% of the time. He does pay child support.
We had been seeing each other on / off until last year June / July. We always ended again as he crept back into old behaviours, mainly affairs with other women.
In August last year he started seeing someone younger, although I have my suspicions there was a cross over period where he was seeing us both. He moved her in that same year and now they’re engaged. I should add that she’s a lovely girl ! And he’s lucky to have her.
They are now moving abroad for a work opportunity and will be gone for at least 2 years.
I have been okay these last few years. Moments of heartbreak but I’m resilient, I keep going despite the odd day / week of wanting to bury my head in the sand. I have changed, my self esteem continues to be on the floor.
Anyway, this week, my most prominent feeling is of devastation. I don’t want him to go. I want him. And I want him to want me.
Why do I feel like this now ? I don’t want to feel this way.