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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Coworker attraction or just being friendly?

14 replies

oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 19:26

So…I have a fellow co worker (we’re both grad interns actually) at my company that I’m fairly certain is into me. The problem is she’s got a bf. She found out I’m single, and she knows that I know she’s for a bf. I’m not looking for the moral perspective, but just want to understand if she’s actually attracted to me or is just being friendly?

The story would be super long, so below are some of the main things I’ve noticed. Would love any input because I’m normally a totally oblivious guy, and women don’t come on to me, so I’m a bit lost.

-We don’t work together but see each other at meetings and firm events, happy hours, etc.
-The first time we met we spent a lot of time together and I just had this major inclination she might be interested. Just had vibes.
-My other co workers talk about their boyfriends a lot, she never does, even when there’s an opportunity to mention him. The only reason she mentioned him the one time is because someone asked if she had a bf
-When I see her at times, especially when she’s alone, her face seems to light up when I see her.
-I invited her to a lunch with an executive, she was super happy about it. I noticed a lot of eye contact during the lunch, she walked pretty close to me
-She complimented my blazer while walking to the restaurant.
-When planning the lunch, she messaged me a lot of smiley faces and stuff like “hehehe” when I’d say something clever.
-Our waiter was a character so when he was being funny she’d often look at me.
-Two times during the lunch, and once on the walk back, she touched me, but I assumed accidentally. Twice on the knee and once on the arm when she was gesturing. We were walking close
-The company took us to a sporting event. She lit up when I saw her, but I couldn’t talk then. Later she came over to me and we talked for a solid 1/2 hour. She seemed to stand very close to me, at one point very very close, so much so I thought at the time how close it was. We talked about work, our ambitions at work, her sister, our weekends, etc. She stood with much of her body facing me.
-I make her laugh a lot, and at some point I said something funny and she put both her hands on my forearm arm and gave me a playful push.
-Then she said, “so you’ve just gotten out of a LT relationship?” I said yes, and explain it was partly long distance (her relationship is the same during school). She then asked about it and then asked about if I broke up long distance, but the game interrupted us before I could answer.
-She also asked me to proof an email she was sending in reply to her mentor. She didn’t hand me the phone, but stood close and asked me to read it and showed it to me like 2 times. Our shoulders were basically touching.
-Overall I’ve just jived with her and felt something between us.
-She remembered things like me saying I lived alone, unprovoked invited me to stop by her office, said she’d include me on a lunch with her mentor, etc.

On the other hand, in some situations she doesn’t make a ton of eye contact, like if she’s standing at an event talking to someone else, I don’t notice her trying to look at me. At big events she doesn’t usually approach me, but when I’m standing alone or with only a couple people she will come up. She knows I know she’s for a boyfriend, etc.

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 18/06/2022 19:33

She might but would you really want a girl who is happy to flirt and persue another man while in a relationship? She could do the same to you.

ExtraOnion · 18/06/2022 19:33

Maybe she’s just friendly ..and you are reading way too much into all of this

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/06/2022 19:44

Hmm over friendly

oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 19:53

Thanks! I understand you’re point I’m mostly just asking to see if I’m reading things correctly or not for my own sake!

OP posts:
oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 19:54

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/06/2022 19:44

Hmm over friendly

Overly friendly as just being friendly or overly friendly as in she’s showing interest? See I told you I’m oblivious 😂

OP posts:
Bookridden · 18/06/2022 20:14

It sounds flirty to me. This doesn't mean she wants to be in a relationship with you (though she may). It might be that she's looking for the ego boost of having you chase her a bit.

EggRollsForever · 18/06/2022 20:18

Are you American? She knows I know she’s for a boyfriend, etc I've never heard this phrase before- what does it mean?

oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 20:26

EggRollsForever · 18/06/2022 20:18

Are you American? She knows I know she’s for a boyfriend, etc I've never heard this phrase before- what does it mean?

Yes I’m an American lol. It should be “she knows I know she’s GOT a boyfriend.” My phone auto corrected it to “for”

trying to say she’s aware that I have knowledge of the fact she’s got a boyfriend

OP posts:
MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 18/06/2022 22:49

Sounds to me like she’s realised you’re interested in her and she’s enjoying perpetuating it by flirting for an ego boost. Don’t waste your time pining after someone unavailable.

EndersGame · 18/06/2022 23:15

Sounds like she's just recognised that you started at the same time, are both interns and therefore are sharing the same experience. You need to communicate properly and ask her outright if she is interested. Don't miss the opportunity and don't fear rejection.

oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 23:19

EndersGame · 18/06/2022 23:15

Sounds like she's just recognised that you started at the same time, are both interns and therefore are sharing the same experience. You need to communicate properly and ask her outright if she is interested. Don't miss the opportunity and don't fear rejection.

I’ve been debating whether to bring this up at the end of the program. I have a few more weeeks to feel it out. I’m very attracted to her and I feel reciprocation, though I second guess myself. But since she’s got a bf I’m not sure I should

OP posts:
EndersGame · 19/06/2022 00:09

oblivious90 · 18/06/2022 23:19

I’ve been debating whether to bring this up at the end of the program. I have a few more weeeks to feel it out. I’m very attracted to her and I feel reciprocation, though I second guess myself. But since she’s got a bf I’m not sure I should

Be polite and respectful. Explain how you feel and ask if she wants to take it further. If she says no, you absolutely accept that and walk away knowing that you won't have that nagging doubt about what might have been. If of course, she says yes, you have a very different situation. I think it's better to know than not know.

oblivious90 · 21/06/2022 18:40

update—

I happened to be getting onto the elevator today, and there she was. She seemed very happy to see me, she had a big smile and she straightened up when I got on. We chatted about our weekends and the like. We walked very close to each other, and she touched my forearm, though it was likely accidental because we were standing so close.

we bumped into another friend while grabbing breakfast and then I jokingly told her that she was bad luck, because as soon as she left the sporting event was the other team won. She was walking next to me and then was like “I know I heard as I was leaving!” and gave me kind of a back hand tap on the bicep as she said it. Then she was going a different direction and i didn’t want to seem weird and continue to follow, so I went the other way and said goodbye.

so we’ve broken the touch barrier in each of our last two interactions, though of course I can’t exactly know what it means. I don’t see her touch anyone else, but I also haven’t observed a ton of her interactions with others

OP posts:
Pastaa · 21/06/2022 18:51

Flirty if she's British, any other nationality just friendly.

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