Is this normal behaviour ?

[Basilandparsleyandmint]

Can you give me some perspective on a a situation with my DH.
I was raised in a single parent family from 18months so have not seen parents relationships first hand and can only read and listen to friends.
He has lost a piece of sports clothing. He can’t find this piece of clothing. I do all the washing and I can’t explain where this piece of washing may have gone. I have emptied wardrobes and cupboard to look for it. It hasn’t been found. My DH is upset that it can’t be found.DH has also emptied cupboards to find it. As he was so irritated I have been and bought a replacement item. It was inexpensive.He still wants to find the original or have me admit to having thrown it out. I genuinely don’t think I have it may turn up.
He can’t move forward with it being lost and it’s causing lots of distress.
I moved his keys the other morning and he couldn’t find them and he was very stressed . I don’t remember moving his keys but he is convinced I did. I did locate them.He isn’t very happy at the moment and feels unappreciated. He does worry about bills and expenses. He earns a lot more than me so pays the majority.
Is this normal, I just don’t know anymore.

It's not normal to blame you for missing items, things get mislaid, that's life, it's not your fault and it's wrong of him to accuse you. He maybe stressed and earn more than you but your are his partner not his maid and even if you were a maid, still unacceptable.

Perhaps he should do his own laundry from now on? If anything goes missing he’ll only have himself to accuse.

Agree with pp. Accusations regarding laundry mishaps would swiftly result in me never touching his clothing ever again. He can do it himself.

Talk to him find out why he's saying that to you. Speculating is no use. I would ask why he seems to be upset over small things.

Oh he absolutely needs to do his own laundry so he can locate this precious item whenever he needs.
He also needs to get one of those tracker things on his keys, a Tile or AirTag, and be responsible for finding his own keys.
No, his behaviour is not unusal for those of his species, but it is shit behaviour.

Not normal unless you are about to drip feed that he's an autistic adolescent (my ds2 can be a bit like this). And if he is an autistic adolescent then the answer is that he starts to do his own laundry so he can control where his things are.

He sounds insane.

I'd say absolutely not normal well adjusted adult behaviour. At all. I'd want to be as far away from this as quickly as possible.
He sounds unhinged to be honest, he wants you to admit you threw away the piece of clothing? He's lucky you replaced it and didn't tell him to get bent. So what if you moved the keys, you found them, all is well, move on.

Sounds horrible, I'm sorry. If you're looking for a bit of a reality check, this isn't healthy or normal.

It's normal to be upset that items are missing. It's not fair or normal to be fixated on you apparently throwing them out.

He doesn't trust you for some reason.

No advice apart from let him put his own washing away. I stopped putting my husbands away when every time he couldnt find an item I had to look for it as I was the one that had put it away, no chance!! If you want to know where stuff put it away yourself!!

Good advice ladies and thank you for taking the time to reply x

does he have adhd

My dad has always blamed me for everything. He doesn't believe me even when someone else admits to it or it clearly wasn't me.
It's not nice being made to feel like a liar or walking away from it knowing someone blames you. Not nice at all OP. It's not normal and not nice. It's paranoia and there's not mucb you can do about it, only the other person :(

I am not aware of him having autism or adhd but he does get obsessive over different things. He will become fixated on something such as the shorts and it will annoy him so much he will not stop going on about it. It may even be mentioned next year. This has happened in the past with other things that annoy him.
It is hard work and when when we are going through one of these cycles he is hard to live with.
When it passes he becomes nice and lovely again. He finds it difficult if people are not like him. For example whilst banging about the shorts yesterday he was telling me he couldn’t have possibly lost them as he doesn’t loose stuff and showed me proudly how he likes to knot his socks together in the wash. I didn’t have the heart to tell him how I have to unknot them as they won’t wash properly.

But you need to tell him! Otherwise he thinks that's normal too

Christ. He sounds like extremely hard work. You are a better woman than me, op ,if you can put up with this nonsense. 🙄