Does this sound like a disorder?

[Confusedbyactions]

Hi folks, I feel it's not normal for a partner to accuse of infidelity, request video chats when overseas for work, check wardrobes on video calls, ask for pics, analyse them, check when your online on apps, try and set up tests for infidelity, then finally seperate because of accusations of infidelity. None of which happened. Get back together and do the same things again but more intense. Is there a term for this I can research? I did find out the MIL did the same to all her partners so wondered if this is genetic in some way or ROCD/Delusional Jealousy? Just need more info so I know what not to do and how to approach. 3 kids involved and the concern is that the traits may be inherited,copied or they may be accused of things that didn't happen. Ie long term affair and random events/behaviour that have been connected to be proof that cannot be challenged, proved wrong and she stated doesn't want to be proved wrong. Any help or books or links appreciated.

It’s abusive. That’s what it is. Plain and simple.

not a disorder, just abuse. keep your kids well away before they learn the behaviour too.

Who do you think may have these traits apart from your mil. Its controlling, abusive and paranoid behaviour. What do you think you do not need to do, are you worried about your own behaviour or someone else.

This is control and is certainly abuse. Not a disorder you can genetically inherit, or find an excuse for in a book. The kids will be seeing all of this and the longer they live witnessing it being carried out the more likely they are to recreate it for themselves nntn relationships as other perpetrator or victim.
The Freedom Programme here's a link is a great place start to find out more information

My dw does this to me and witnessed my MIL doing the same to her ex partners in the past. Ignored until recently and noticed dd checking friends locations online and questioning their behaviour. Looking to learn more as I am at pointnof seperating but she wants kids, I don't agree and get the blame, MIL backs her up.

Its overt domestic abuse google coercive and controlling behaviour, totally unacceptable.

My dw does this to me

Put a stop to it instead of trying to slap a 'disorder' excuse on it.

How do I put a stop to it?

How do I put a stop to it?

Leave.

Leave. This is not a situation to bring children into and you know it. This won't change because you buy a book or get a diagnosis for it. If you're waiting for this to improve you'll be waiting forever. Move on.

Leave.

I asked her to leave, she said it's a process. I thought I would find out everything first for her and priority are the children keeping them settled. The main reason for wanting the information is help and also if with split custody, she imprints this on the kids what to do

You are making excuses. Get help.

This is not a disorder no. It's obsessive, abusive, paranoid behaviour. It's a learned behaviour from her mother I imagine, rather than a generic thing. The only thing you can do it leave.

I agree it's learned behaviour - this is normal to her, and now she's patterning it to your DD.

Has your wife ever admitted that she has a problem, or is she in denial? If she's in denial then your only option is to leave, and show your children by example that healthy relationships (of any kind) don't include accusations, snooping, checking up, etc.

I confronted it head on with her, asked her family for help and unfortunately - denial, it always goes back to being my fault and my behaviour. Refused counselling of any kind. I've stopped arguing and feel better as she can't bring anything up now we agreed seperation. Perhaps she does too, I don't know. It does seem the eye of the storm right now. As for children I have pointed out that snooping or checking friends locations can lead to all sorts of scenarios in your head if your annoyed or in any state so it's best not to speculate, speak to friends instead, talk to me, always communicate how you feel.