Is my boyfriend faking PTSD?

[NuevoG]

Please bear with me, this is long but I'll keep it as short as I can, but I really need help. I don't know if I'm just being an ashole here.

When I first met my boyfriend 2 years ago, he told me he doesn't remember anything before the age of 8yo. He said he think it's because he had a traumatic childhood of sexual abuse, all because he also has anxiety and panic attacks, no other reasons at all (so why specifically sexual?)

Then in a social media group we made intros of ourselves and in his, he said he can't remember anything from before 13yo because he was told that traumatic things happened to him. I never commented on this but I was confused.

Just a few months ago we were having an unrelated conversation and I mentioned how some people don't remember anything before they were 8yo. He quickly said "Well I don't remember anything before I was 17yo".

Then more recently he told me that nothing sexual happened but he had physical abuse from the age of 9-17yo (so what about not remembering the rest of his childhood?), but he continued to tell other people that it was sexual. Today, I sent screenshots of our intros "to joke about them" but really to casually mention "you said 13yo here but you told me 17yo?" And then he just said, "I never said 17yo".

He has lied about mental disorders in the past - before I met him he used to claim to have bipolar, and then changed it to DID (multiple personalities), for one, he has absolutely no symptoms of these and has never seen a doctor, but also, one day I told him that my therapist suspects that I may have DID, and then my boyfriend's first response was to quickly backtrack all the claims he had about his DID, literally saying "I don't have that", as if he was worried about something (maybe that now I have a proffesional to tell me what the real symptoms are?)

He does for sure also lie about random things to make himself seem more interesting, to fit in, or seem special/different and for sympathy.

For context, I have PTSD from childhood sexual and physical abuse, as do my sisters and my closest friend. So I do have a slight grasp on the typical symptoms (I know it's different for everyone), and he doesn't show anything (except his panic attacks which he usually only has when he's overthinking and tired). He did used to be dramatically jumpy, but it seemed very fake and after a while he stopped doing it around me, as if he couldn't keep up the act or forgot. But also, he throws around "I was sexually abused" so often, it's triggering for me and the people in our group who have actually been through it.

Again, I know I sound like an ashole, am I just being a paranoid one right now? I just don't understand all these inconsistencies etc. Any advice, please?

I tried to censor asshole but it just bolded the H, sorry, lol.

No idea but sounds like he is stressing you out just end it regardless.

Leave the nasty lying gaslighting bastard. He's a disgrace.

Oh hon I'm sorry for what you've been through. Read your own post back to yourself, you know the answer to your question already. You know what you need to do 💐

Oh my god you don't need this. What a nightmare he is. You can't continue a relationship with him for your own sake.

He certainly has mental problems, whether the causes are real or faked. You have to decide if your own mental health can deal with his. You are certainly not TA here.

You don't have to stay with him, ptsd, mh issues or not. You are not his therapist.

You can swear on mumsnet op.

Yeah, ýour boyfriend is an asshole.

A liar and a fantasist. If he does have any disorder its probably more likely to be npd or similar. The lies for attention and also, the one upping (eg: of your suffering) is standard from them.

Either way, he is a fantasist. Run fast and run far.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t tell if someone is lying by what is said about them online. The inconsistencies are very minor. He’s said no memory pre 8yrs old and possibly sexual abuse (which you can tell even if no memory based in what triggers you). He’s also said physical abuse/no sexual from 9-17yo. So that’s not inconsistent. Often too, people say “no memory” when in fact there a few traumatic memories and they just don’t want to go into it or recall them for others to paw over.

Saying you have x and y when you’ve never been assessed is actually very common. Many disorders have common overlapping symptoms and people often self diagnose with the wrong thing, they say/think they have x until they hear or read about y and think it’s a better fit, so they switch up. I don’t really think of that as a lie per se, more knowing they’re not entirely normal but having no idea if they have a disorder or not because they’ve never been assessed.

So that said, he may have cPTSD or he may not. I wouldn’t think of it as a lie until he’s been assessed and told by a psychologist he doesn’t have PTSD. It’s all self diagnosis at this point and so neither a lie nor the truth, but a possibility.

He seems to have an awful lot of baggage, whatever the reasons behind it. Do you really want a lifetime of this? If I was in your shoes I would cut and run while I still could

You’ve given this relationship 2 good years. Is it time to finish it? I think I would.

He definitely has something. Have you told him to see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis? I think it would be helpful for him.

With regards to your relationship, he sounds really annoying. His lack of sensitivity is outrageous and you need to tell him to stop.

You’ve hit the mail on the head @NuevoG with him feeling like he needs to sound more interesting to folks.

question is - what do you want to do about it.

spend years challenging him and trying to help him break this behaviour?

or cur toute losses know from someone who’s lies make a mockery of the real experiences you and others in your circle have gone though. Using made up childhood sexual abuse as an attention thing is particularly vile in my eyes.

Soinds like he has a severe case of de armento cacas-itus.

personlly it would be a game over for me as he’s going to do this in all areas of his (and your life). Can’t trust him. Where’s the quality relationship in that?

You are in a very unhealthy relationship
Ask yourself why, when you know damn well he is making shit up and using your own trauma against you, that you stay in it.

Again, I know I sound like an ashole

I'd really like to explore why you said this. Either you are hoping that everyone will go 'No no, you're NOT an asshole' or you have been coached to think that you are.

He does for sure also lie about random things to make himself seem more interesting, to fit in, or seem special/different and for sympathy

This alone would put a lot of women off......so why would you assume that people might think you're being an asshole?

Have you been coached by your peer/age group to always believe everything other people say, to always take their 'truth' as gospel, to support them no matter what?

It doesn’t sound as though you need this person in your life, op. He needs some kind of help, and you need to look after yourself.

Hi everyone, thank you for your comments and support. Honestly because of my anxiety, I really thought maybe I'm just overthinking this and was expecting people to tell me that I am, so I can just drop it and forget about it. But now I see there really is a problem and I don't know how to go about it. I know people are telling me to leave him, but I want to try and talk to him about it first at least. I think he has insecurity issues maybe due to bullying as a kid. I know it's no excuse, but he is otherwise an amazing guy who treats me so well and is always there for me, so I want to hear him out. Thank you again everyone, when I talk to him about it, I'll update here. We're in a long distance relationship and I'd rather talk to him in person about it next month.

OK people need to sort their shit out before they inflict it on other people. He hasn't sorted his out. I have no idea if you've sorted yours out. The idea isn't to find someone whose disorders fit your disorders.

He lies. He talks constantly about sexual abuse even though it's triggering. He fakes MH symptoms. Throw him back. And then do some work so you can he healthier and have healthier relationships.

There's no need to fix him. It's not your job. You have enough going on looking after yourself. Honestly, throw him back and wait for one that doesn't try and steal your life.

He's stealing your experiences and using them to justify his own bad behaviour. Basically, if you've got a headache, he's got a brain tumour. You'll never be allowed to be ill, have a down day, without it being made all about him.

He's role playing 'great partner' because that's what he wants, but he isn't actually able to be a great partner because he can't allow you to have your own issues. It'll be great while it's going his way, but when it hits a bump he can't manipulate away, he'll crumble.

What happens when you say no to him about something fairly random? 'No, I don't want to go to the park'.

My guess is you don't say no often, because he gets upset, has a panic attack etc. my guess is you work quite hard to keep him happy.

Everyone has insecurities, his issues are much deeper than that. It's impossible to maintain a healthy relationship when someone has that much unresolved baggage. What's worse is you don't even know what his baggage is, because you can really trust anything he says. Do you think you'll ever be able to get to a place of being able to fully trust him?

Also, pretty much every abusive partner out there is "otherwise an amazing guy who treats me well" (subtext: apart from when they're being abusive/toxic).

Having experienced abuse yourself, you obviously have your own issues to contend with, and you need a strong and stable partner. Not someone who triggers you by casually throwing around mentions of SA (that must be horrible, I'm sorry you have to deal with that).

I understand you wanting to talk to him about this, but I speak from experience when I say you're unlikely to get any of the answers or closure you seek (though if you have to try anyway, it's understandable). I would seriously reconsider this whole relationship.

I think that diagnoses aside, it is clear that he is very messed up and not well enough to be in a relationship. He’ll mess with your head.

I wouldn’t assume he is lying as such, we don’t know what he has endured or why he is behaving strangely but it doesn’t matter why, what matters is that he’s not right for you.

Did he tell you he had PTSD, after you disclosed info about your own childhood.
He doesn't sound right (mentally) in one way or another, but I would wonder if he was initially trying to mirror back your experience to create a (fake) bond.
Highly manipulative people tend to use that tactic to reel you in.

I agree with this.

He/ the relationship isn’t able to bring out the best in you or each other so its better to move on asap and work on creating a stable life for yourself.

Please be very careful op. I've been in a similar situation and it ended very badly. So sorry you've been through such a lot already. Please take good care x