I just need to rant because I have nowhere else to go.

[Whatsthatspookynoise]

My partner and I live together and have two kids. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. He still works from home after covid. So he's at our kitchen table to work, which is also in the living room! Open plan and all of that. He's always been quite a lazy person, but will absolutely not admit this and will say I am the lazy one, even though I'm the one that does everything aside from work. So I don't complain even though I struggle. He's one of those men that truly believe being at stay at home mum is just women being lazy basically and we have it easy.

He's obsessed with a video game and has it on the main tv in the living room pretty much constantly or he's taking a nap. He stays up until 2-6am playing the game. I also like gaming, but this is too much. His eyes never leave a screen unless he's asleep. He binge eats and is severely overweight, but of course that's my fault as it's the dinners I cook?? It's not waking up in the night and eating a jar of peanut butter or having another dinner when I've gone to bed.

He treats me like I'm invisible. Won't start a conversation, won't ask how I am anymore (this started about 4 weeks ago). He will talk to me like a professional at work and only really about the kids. I don't like to be made to feel that I am not worthy of his time. It's embarrassing. Anytime we have a disagreement or an argument, he smirks and laughs at me THE WHOLE TIME. That is enraging. I don't really argue back with him to be fair. He usually talks to me like shit and raises his voice and I slink away like a loser.

Last night he got extremely drunk as usual and was stopping breathing in his sleep which woke him up. He stumbled about smashing into things, walked into our bedroom bathroom without turning on lights and pissed.

The seat was down. My very expensive dehumidifier was resting on top of it (we don't really use that toilet). The bathroom was flooded with piss. He stumbled back to bed with piss stains all over his boxers and continued to snore and flail around in his sleep constantly hitting me.

This isn't even a quarter of the gross things he does.

I haven't wanted to be with him for so long. I have no savings and nowhere to go. I am scared of him in the sense that I walk on eggshells, wondering if he's going to have a go at me for something while he's laying in the middle of the room, playing his game.

I'm actually embarrassed of myself and I needed to share this with someone.

Sounds awful. You need to try and find a way to leave. 😞

Oh no - that sounds horrendous 😢 you know you need to leave him, right?

Hopefully someone will be along soon with practical advice on how to leave and set up again, but you (and your DC) absolutely cannot stay there. I’ve never been through a divorce so don’t know how these things work, but could Women’s Aid give you some advice?

I'm sorry.....but have I just read Princess Leia's account of being in a relationship with Jabba the Hutt???

Okay, you clearly need to be apart. What is the best way of achieving that?

He sounds like a fucking loser OP. Has he always been like this?

Can you get a job? Is there anyone you can move in with to leave him? Family?

Guys read the post, OP knows she's needs to leave she's asking for practical advice on how.

Well actually ignore me as apparently I can't read either

Are you married whose name is the flat in?

In my opinion he is abusive and I think you need to call womans aid

Some more practical information on your situation will help people to give advice on where you can go for help re housing and benefits if you are in the UK ?

Are you in the UK ?
Do you own or rent the flat?
If you rent who is on the tenancy ?
Who do you rent from a council , housing association or private rent ?
Do you currently recieve any universal credit or other benefits ?

You have children living in this shit show? Personally getting a job (even if its at MacDonald's) would top of my list of how to get myself out of living hell.

This guy has zero respect for you or your children

I agree that you would be better off without him

Can you get a job ?

Can you seperate & apply for benefits ?

He should pay child maintenance if you seperate too

‘You have children living in this shit show? Personally getting a job (even if its at MacDonald's) would top of my list of how to get myself out of living hell.’

A job like that will barely cover rent and bills. Should she finish her shift and go
directly to the food bank? Actually don’t answer that.

OP when it’s safe to do so, contact Women’s Aid. They will help you to make a plan.

I know it feels impossible but it isn’t. You can leave, you just need some help.

You need to save to leave! Is it a joint tenancy on the apartment?

Who gets the benefits and does the food shopping? Squirrel away as much as you can, sell old childrens clothes and toys, things in the house you don’t use. Start doing surveys influence is a good one and pays well, look at market research opportunities you can do from home.

If you do the food shop, cut back and save a bit of money that way, you’ll be amazed what you can save in a few months.

Make a plan and stick to it! Get a spreadsheet of every bill in the house so you know how much it costs to run, work out what you can cut back on to afford it yourself. Look into benefits and see what you are entitled to as a single mum then speak to the landlord if it’s a joint tenancy about swapping into your name only.

He doesn't sound like a Dad

Do you work, OP?

Thanks for the advice everyone. I would love a job, my youngest is 2 and I don't think I would be able to afford nursery. The tenancy is in both of our names and I couldn't take the apartment on my own as even with a job or housing benefit I couldn't afford it. It's a very expensive place.

I get some universal credit and I use it for food shopping and council tax. I think I'm going to have to budget the shopping and save. It will probably take me a long time, but it will be worth it to be able to just sit with my kids and watch a film in the living room!