My next step

[JasonK]

Hi everyone,

Jason here (35). Just went back into dating after a 7 years old relationship that ended near NYE. Anyway, I am talking with this woman, (36). We followed each other on IG and we spoke to meet up next month when she is coming back home.
The past two weeks we spoke more and more, we did it on the phone and finally last week I asked her if she wants to go with me on a food face time date. She agreed, we ate and we had a wonderful time.

Also, we started playing a game, a question per day, a serious one, to get to know each other better and at some point she told me about that her dad abused her mum, but not many details.

A few hours later, randomly, she said that she thinks we don't have that many things in common, a got a bit annoyed and said I think the opposite, I like her and our interaction and I think when we are going to meet things will be ok, but let's get there at first and see from there.
Since then I feel like she is ghosting me, we've barely spoke in the past couple of days and last night I've asked her if she wants to "walk me home on the phone" she said she is still working etc, I've said I will leave at 1 and if she is free then maybe we can. Again, seen message.

So, what can I do from this point?

About her: she mentioned a few things that she likes more interaction live than online, she doesn't like things to go super fast, she disappears from time to time, she is still meeting people on Bumble, I've said I am doing the same, etc, she finds me interesting (I've let the cat out of the bag as mentioned and said I like her, but pushed the phrase on our interaction). I am trying to stay cool and I appreciated her honesty and also give her the space, but what happened?

I like her company, she is a bit odd, but I want to see her live and move on from there, but isn't normal to try to get closer to someone or is it just me?

Thank you very much.

Also, of course, I am trying to be flirty. Sent her a photo with my coffee last week and put a post it near it and said I would share this with you and I don't share coffee with people.
You know, small things to get people to like you.

Jason are you in the UK?

Because I’m sure sending a picture of coffee is an emblem of flirty behaviour here in the UK. May be elsewhere though

*not sure

Step back. Maybe she's feeling it's getting too much when you haven't even met yet. Let her take the lead now - if she wants to get in touch she will. If not, let her go.

No, I am not, no UK.
That was just example, her response was ok for that. She liked it.

Our last real interaction was after I was going to an event with my job and she said to send her some pics from there. I've did it and that was about it.

Sure, maybe she is really busy, but wouldn't you say something?
Also, she might not be that into me, sure, but it's a bit odd how it happened after things were smooth.

@easyday

It might sound stupid, but how do I do that? If been out of the game long time and with all the things I am doing, she is constantly on my mind.
Any tricks?

She is not that into you and tbh if you get annoyed because she thought you did not have too much in common wtaf.
Leave her alone in fact leave all women alone until you sort out you anger issues and your entitlement to expect women to want to be with you because you want to be with them

To be fair, he says he is not from the UK. So there may be a bit of miscommunication through his choice of words.

I’d find all the phone dates a bit odd tbh - were they her idea or yours?

Also from what you’ve said here the timeline seems to suggest that she went quiet after opening up about her mum and dad. I suspect your reaction to that revelation is what has turned her off. What did you say?

@stepuporshutup
What the actual hell? :))

@RoyKentsChestHair
Phone was hers, she wanted to hear me. And a week later I've asked her to make something fun and facetime and she was super excited by the idea. And was actually super nice. We stayed 5-6 hours.
And she seemed closer after that.

My reaction was: thank you for sharing that to me, I hope everything turned for the better from that point after you called the police on him and apologized because earlier in our interactions I've joked about a restriction order in a different context and she said she doesn't joke about that and I've felt she had some difficult times.

She went quiet after in the same day with her story she randomly said she thinks we have no things in common, like super randomly after we were getting closer. And I've said I don't think that's the case, I think we have a lot things in common that is why we talked quite a lot and I think it's going to be awesome when we meet and that was about it.

Oh dear Jason. I’m sorry you are so unsure about this interaction with the woman but …
Read our collective lips!
Shes not that into you, whatever you think.
Let it go. Move on.

@Giveitall
The issue is I don't know what to think.
She initiated the meet up, not me. and she also mentioned something about our second meet up.
I am very inclined with the idea she is not that into me also.
I don't think she is missing the attention from guys, so I can't put my finger on.

I feel like I've done something and I don't know what.

While I wrote this, she sent me 20 pics of her work yesterday.

...

What's going on?

I think sending serious questions when you haven’t met yet is a bit too far too fast. If you want to get to know her, I’d have been trying to meet and see how things were in person.

It would make me run a mile of someone was asking serious stuff about me after a couple of phone dates. I’m a pretty private person and would have found “serious” questions at such an early stage very intrusive, and I might feel pressured to share things before I was fully ready to.

In your shoes I’d back right off, she said she doesn’t want to continue and that’s her right regardless of what you think or want.

Think you need to let this one go. She is not that into you and I think you might be coming across as a bit too intense.

Back off and see what happens. If you hear nothing she is not coming back. That she sent you 20 pics of her work is a little strange but could just be a way of just trying to put you off her. Let her do some of the running now...

@Jellycatspyjamas

The thing I've never asked her that. My question was fun (I think). I said I've invented a time machine and she can go back in time to meet her 15 year old self again, what are the first 3 things she would tell her younger self.
And she mentioned that.
She also took the initiative and told me why she is single.

@Iamnotamermaid
I am really worried about the intense part because I really am not. I am just trying to get to know her more

Any advice how to step back, but not cut her off because I want to see where this is going. Thank you.

Ok so she said you have nothing in common, is this true? What do you have in common?

If you really wish to continue with this just message back to the 20 pics of her work something along the lines of I hope you had a good day at work and are enjoying the weekend. Open ended so she can reply IF she wants to.

p.s. invented a time machine and she can go back in time to meet her 15 year old self again, what are the first 3 things she would tell her younger self.
This would freak me out by phone date 2 as well...

@Iamnotamermaid
Her question was in the same line to be honest. Mine was not just out from nowhere. we built up to have these type of questions, but we've talked at first and agreed that the games is just to have fun and to get to know each other and SHE can stop it at any time. And we set up a rule to refuse to answer if a question is stupid/awkward.

Ok so she said you have nothing in common, is this true? What do you have in common - I think until now we have a lot of things in common, from interests, to music, to how we see things about life. Our background is not the same, that is true.
But this is just the tip of the iceberg, the rest we will see it after/if we meet, imho. It's to early.
I didn't understand where did that came from, out of nowhere. We have nothing in common? Why are we speaking then?

And a small update, we talked a bit last night via messages. After she sent me the pics I've told her fingers crossed everything will be fine and wished her a good day today and to enjoy it because it's her day off and will meet her friends.
She asked me what I am doing and I said I am in a club from our town and would have been nice to be here together because we could have judge people together (a joke). And her reply: Boy, your needs will have to wait a bit.
Wtf was that?

I've laughed and that was the end of the discussion.

PS: In our first call ever she felt the need to tell me that people get infatuated over her. Like a warning or so.
Again, I didn't understand that.

she mentioned a few things that she likes more interaction live than online, she doesn't like things to go super fast, she disappears from time to time, she is still meeting people on Bumble.

Your words above. She is probably messing with you and I think you are massively over invested in this woman and a potential relationship over a few phone calls & messages. Go out, have fun, meet other other women and see what happens later on.

As a hint She asked me what I am doing and I said I am in a club from our town and would have been nice to be here together because we could have judge people together (a joke). The crossed out bit should have been left out. You are out having fun and let her decide if she would have liked to be there.

Why haven't you met in person yet?

I would tone things way down until you actually meet in person.

A bit strange if you ask me I don’t know she seems hot/cold

@Iamnotamermaid

I am actually going out, and having fun, but not interested in more than coffee and maybe encounters. But I am really interested to meet her in person, like super interested. But I am trying to take a step back and see what her next move will be.
I really can't explain it, maybe there are the hormones talking. I am not thinking about relationship things, just want to see where this goes and bugs me if I did something.

@madasawethen
She is away with work until late July in another country. We followed each other on IG for years and we started to hit it off one month ago.

Hi guys, a short update.
I've listened to your advices and made a step back. So after no 24+ hours contact, she reached out and was very talkative with me and flirty.
Wanted to reconfirm the "date" with me because she is going on holiday on the 22 for 2 weeks with friends before re-starting work here.
I've talked very relaxed, a lot of banter and it was actually pleasant.

Is this dating in the 30s? We still act like teens? 😂