I love him more than he loves me, don’t I :(

[gingham019]

I think I might be losing my relationship. My boyfriend is acting increasingly distant but I don’t know if I’m over reacting, because he was incredibly loving and communicative at first. He was definitely most into me and made so much effort.

Now I feel like I’m making all the effort, and he doesn’t do all the cute things he used to do. Which I know is normal to a degree.

Last night told me so much. It used to be that when he went out with friends, he’d keep me updated or shoot me the odd text saying he missed me or loved me. It was nice.

Last night we both went out individually with friends, and I thought I’m not going to be the one to make all the effort.
Surprise, I didn’t hear from him in 5 hours. Which may not sound much but is unheard of for us.
I’ve always just asked for the bare minimum of keeping me updated and he just seems to never listen. All he did was text me when he got home. He never even asked if I was safe or how my night was.
I just think back to when he used to send funny texts about something that might have happened, or a picture of his evening, or at least a fucking question about how my night was.

For me this has spoken volumes because if I don’t do anything, then nothing happens. I dont know if I’m over reacting.

I’ve spoken to him so many times about this and he feels like nothing is wrong, says he’s happy and there’s nothing to worry about.
But things just seem so different now and well… stale.

Am I being precious?

You sound needy and controlling OP.

I go away for weekends without texting my DH and I love him to bits. Absence makes the heart grow fonder

This.

i was your BF in my last relationship. At first I would initiate texts with my ex but over time when I started to not like him as much I stopped initiating. To me he wasn’t important enough for me to want to. He even brought it to my attention and even while I tried to deny it, it was true. I just didn’t like him as much as he liked me.

not saying that’s what’s going on but I do think when there’s a huge shift in communication it could be a sign that feelings have changed.

How long have you been together? It makes a difference to the advice I'd give but one thing dating has taught me is that if you feel a change, no effort from him to engage with you where he did before, then it's probably going to fade out. If someone is thinking of you and wants to talk to you, they will. If they're not bothered, they will do what your boyfriend is doing now.

When did you start noticing the shift? Has it been fairly gradual over time or more sudden?

The level of communication you had and want is to me, unusual.
Just reading that 'I assume you made it to X...' feels quite suffocating, as though you need to check in and out with each other every time you move venue, and keep up a constant stream of updates, rather than concentrating on the people you're supposed to be out with. (Constant texting of partners is pretty rude to friends too imo, but that's a different issue!)
Just because he did that in the early days, doesn't mean its normal for him. People do all sorts of things when they're trying to start and consolidate a relationship that are a bit excessive and out of character to please the other person. Maybe the energy shift is him feeling comfortable enough to move to most people's idea of normal.

I'd hate this. The expectation to text and keep in touch on a night out. Just no.

What is it that you get from the contact, is it reassurance? Whatever it is, find a new way to get it.

OP - you are and anxious person and your reaction to this is largely because of the way you seem to need constant affirmation.
I am hoping it’s because you are young and inexperienced, and will change with time.

No relationship can maintain the early days intensity where the texting/communication is constant, and continues even when you are socialising with other people.
As relationship matures - the need for constant reaffirmation of your connection should reduce. Normally people become more confident in the relationship and relax.
And so they use time spent socialising with other people as their time. To recharge and have a bit of their own space.
Don’t rob him of that then with friends by insisting he constantly has you in the front of his mind. It’s unnecessary and will only hurt your connection.
Plus - you yourself need to learn to have a bit of your own time. And not be as fixated on thinking about where he is and why he isn’t texting.

Its also worth remembering that in a new relationship, you are more of a novelty than his friends so he will prioritise texting you. As you spend more time together as a couple and it becomes his everyday, his friends become more of a novelty than you, so he'll prioritise what's going on with them.

Relationships change as they progress. I think when you first start dating someone it is normal and feels great to get those miss you when I'm out texts.

I think it's important to adapt as the relationship evolves and if you aren't then ask yourself why. Where is this insecurity from? Is it valid? What were your last relationships like? Why do you feel the need to receive these texts etc

I don't think it's anything to worry about.

If my DP kept texting me whilst I'm out I'd probably end up blocking him 😅. It annoys me.

DP texts me more than I text him and sometimes I go the whole day without responding. Not because I'm being mean or I don't love him any less. I just simply sometimes read it then either forget to reply or get on with what I'm doing. He doesn't think I love him any less.

Do you believe him when he says he's happy and there's nothing to worry about? Do you have other examples of how he's changed? If you hadn't heard from him all night when you usually would have, how was he when you seen him next?

Sometimes when we feel someone's pulling away, we want to push towards them. Hold back. You shouldn't be making all of the effort. I've been in your position when change in behaviours told me something was off, it was. I've also been on the end where I started to withdraw from a relationship I was unhappy in. Are you happy with what he's giving you?

MN users always seem to accuse the OP of being clingy and needy in cases like this, but it doesn't line up with the general attitude on here, which veers towards codependence.

I think a lot of people who live with their partners forget that when you don't live together, texting is all you have outside of one or two meetings a week. If one partner suddenly stops making any effort to text, the relationship loses momentum. It's not the same as a live-in LTR where you know you'll see the person later, or the next day. You're just left hanging indefinitely. It's normal to feel anxious in that situation.